Dear V,
The ticking of the biological clock is a funny concept. It’s commonly used to describe the feeling older women can get when they are reaching the edge of their child bearing years and still don’t have any rugrats to show for it. For me, as a 21 year old guy, it’s the feeling of dread I get when I realize that in a couple of months I’ll have graduated college with my virginity securely locked in a vise and without the tools, confidence, or experience to ever break it out, especially outside a college environment. On one level, I know that it’s silly to get hung up on this shit, but on the other hand, I often feel like I must have the romantic appeal of a leper, and that it’s never going to change. It’s killing my confidence in myself and poisoning my attitudes towards women, love, and life.
– Not ready to be a monk
Dear Not Ready,
You’re not alone in your fears, there are many others just like yourself that will also be graduating with the same situation. Many are by chance, many are by choice, but regardless the reason, there is still much hope for all to find that first special partner.
I know dealing with this makes you feel less confident, but as you graduate and move on to bigger and better things I think you’ll find that sex shouldn’t be what defines your self esteem. The successful feeling that comes with graduation, finding a real job, and going out on your own will bring you a rush of new experiences, one of which may lead to that special first time. It’s not something that should be rushed or done just for the hell of it; if you’ve waited this long, you want it to be important and not just with the next person who passes by.
As for feeling like a leper, college is one of the hardest places to feel confident; it’s not easy when you’re surrounded by cliques and packs of promiscuous teenagers. After graduation, competition will still exist in the workplace but I think you’ll find things will get easier in other areas. Once you start finding your place, I’m sure the ladies will follow. Love is such an amazing part of life, don’t give up yet.
Hang in there,
V.