V's Take

Dear V: Do I give up too much on the first date?

Dear V,

I’ve never seen the problem with having sex on a first date. Surely in these post-feminist days women can follow their own honest desires. But my best friend says that’s why I can’t make a relationship last. Do you think there’s any real benefit in playing by ‘the rules’ and holding off?


Too Fast?

Dear Too Fast,

This is one of those never ending questions: What time is the right time to give it up?  This is a personal matter for every woman and ultimately you’ll have to decide for yourself, but in the meantime I do have a few tips.  While many men are actually interested in a loving relationship, the real challenge is turning a man who wants just sex into a man who wants love. If you’re dealing with a dude who might just want the nookie, sleeping with him on the first date will leave him with all he wanted and you alone again the next night.  Guys who only want to get you in bed tend to leave as soon as they succeed and then move on to the next piece of ass they can find. If you think a guy could be more than a hookup and want to find out, you probably shouldn’t do the deed after your first dinner out. Guys like women who respect themselves; if you give it up too easily, he could take you for a one-night stand, but if you make him a wait a bit he’ll get to know you better and might find he wants more.

While your speediness in the bedroom could be causing some problems, it’s hard to say if this is what’s causing your failed relationships.  Tons of women have sex on the first date and go on to have successful love lives, so don’t abandon your view altogether. Try to get a feel for the guy first and think about where you want things going.  If he seems like a respectable man, you don’t want to come off too slutty and scare him away.  And if he’s only in it for the sexytime but you want more, try holding off to see if he’s willing to stick with it.

Best advice: Try waiting and see if your relationships improve. If not, keep on having fun.

Good Luck!

January 27, 2010



Advice Columnist

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