Dear V,
I recently discovered I like it rough, and I’m not talking about your run of the mill dirty talk. I like it “harder, better, faster, stronger…” just like the Daft Punk song. I’ve been having a little trouble finding Mr. “Right-Here-Right-Now,” especially as a result of these aforementioned needs. I recently started hooking up with this boy, Mohammed, and as you can extrapolate from the name, he has a certain religious affiliation: hence the dilemma. I don’t want to scare him away by being too aggressive, yet a girl has her needs, really URGENT ones.
The thing is, I don’t believe he as a problem with sex, it’s just the kinky part I’m afraid of. Would you think this is too much?
I recently tried with my previous hookup some bondage. If the relationship wasn’t going to tie me down, he damn well was going to. I was skeptical at first, but it was by far the best sexual encounter I’ve ever had. What did it for me wasn’t so much the bondage; it was the conglomeration of imprisonment and asphyxiation. When he put his hands around my neck and squeezed, the ecstasy was absolutely euphoric: the world was my oyster, and I was going to suck that b**** down with a champagne chaser. It was as if I was completely surrendering my body and soul to him, and that kind of intimacy I’ve never felt before.
So what should I do? Should I be honest with my desires and tell him? Or should I just cut my losses and not sacrifice what could be a meaningful relationship?
Much help needed,
Kinky Kleopatra
Dear Kleopatra,
Damn. You clearly know what you want, and you can’t argue with that.
Obviously, this “state of euphoria” you’ve described is something important to you. Why deprive yourself?
I assure you that for every “Kinky Kleopatra” that walks the face of the earth; there exists a “Just-as-Kinky Karl.” But I can also assure you that these aren’t easy to come across. Not everyone is as upfront as you are about their carnal priorities, so you’ll have to do a little digging.
Once you get to know someone well enough, you will each be comfortable showing each other your inner freak. Be patient. There is no need to sit him down to have the “I am sexually deviant” talk (which is just as awkward as it sounds).
If Mohammed turns out not to be Mr. Perfect—I mean Pervert, you need to ask yourself if this “meaningful relationship” means more to you than the sheer ecstasy of a mind-blowing experience between the sheets—I mean handcuffs. Then, act accordingly. But I think you and I both know the answer to that.
Best of luck!
V