V's Take

DEAR V: I’m looking for a ‘nickle back’ fan…

Dear V,

Help.  I am a 21-year-old female.  I am a senior.  And yes, I hate to admit that I am a virgin.  I am very curious and eager to have sex, but one thing is holding me back.  I have a mole on my buttock (about the size of a nickel).  As a kid, I was teased about it and I guess I just never got over the shame.

I have never discussed this with anyone, but it has become a debilitating issue.  Can you advise?

Spot

Dear Spot,

Crooked genitalia.  Body hair.  A little excess fat hither and thither.  We all have our own hang-ups regardless of gender, age, or level of sexual activity.  And guess what? We were all teased for something back in grade school—even yours truly. While your mark may be distinguishing, you are not alone.

There is a reason that many folks (ideally) hold off on sex until they get to know their partner:  Nudity can be embarrassing.  Stripping down and doing the deed is a pretty intimate act, if you ask me.  If someone you like comes along, don’t be afraid to take the time to feel comfortable around him.

When you do end up at ease with a worthy companion, your mole should matter much less—to both of you.   As I so often preach, sex is sex, and passion is passion.   And (as reluctant as I am to say this), to straight guys, a vagina is a vagina.  Any beau of yours would be happy to enjoy yours.

You will always be your own worst critic.  But if we all allow our minute imperfections (yes, minute) inhibit our sex lives, the human race would be pretty much extinct by now.  Relax and enjoy yourself!

If your mole just won’t stop nagging you, a la “Austin Powers in Goldmember,” feel free to take your issue to a dermatologist.  They see problems like yours regularly, and will likely deem yours “suspicious” and remove it because of its size.  In this case, your insurance would probably cover it; win, win!

Best of luck!

V

November 17, 2009

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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