Dear V: I don’t want to say hello to my roommate’s little friend…

Dear V,

I am a freshman guy who is fortunate enough to be getting along well with his random roommate. But there is one thing:  every so often I wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of my roommate whacking off.  When it happens, I don’t know what to do so I just lay there and pretend like I’m still asleep. It seriously creeps me out, and I can’t take it anymore. What can I do to keep this from happening again without making things weird between my roommate and me?



Dear Petrified,

Welcome to college!  I’m sure you were prepared to study for your classes, but did you know that this is when you also get to learn how do deal with some of life’s most  delicate social situations?

My stance on masturbation is no secret. It’s a healthy habit. But really, it should be kept during one’s own time.

While I give your roommate props for his shameless self-discovery, I realize that of course, you feel uneasy! Privacy is tough to come by while living in the dorms, but it is something that both you and your roommate are in dire need of.

I too find your situation to be a sticky one (no pun intended). On one hand, you have the right to feel comfortable in your own living environment, but then again, a simple confrontation would likely create tension between you and your roommate.

You’ll have to be a little tricky while dealing with this delicate conundrum. You can send hints to your roommate without actually telling him that you know why he has that extra little spring in his step.

Try making up a fictional friend. Tell your roommate that this friend had woken up to his roommate masturbating in the middle of the night and add, “Wow, that would be so awkward!”

Doing something like this should suffice to make your roommate feel bashful enough to stop having his own intimate moments with you in the room. But he still won’t be completely sure that you’re onto him.

Hopefully both you and your roommate can better acquaint yourselves with each other’s schedules, so that each of you can enjoy your private moments while actually being alone.

Best of luck!