My Dearest V,
I am in a bit of a bind. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about two years now. Overall, I am extremely happy. She is the best girlfriend I could ever ask for – except for one thing. We only have sex once every two months or so. Right now we are going on three months. For the past couple of acts of “coitus” I have secretly video taped our encounters. I then later watch the tapes and pleasure myself to them. I feel horrible doing it but lately I have actually been really turned on by them. Is what I am doing wrong if I keep these videos private? Is it considered pornography if it’s simply for my personal use? Please help!
-Future Film Director
Dear Mr. Polanski (just kidding!),
Three months is quite the dry spell within a relationship, especially when you’re still young. I get your frustration.
When people are faced with sexless relationships, things often take a resentful turn. Someone might end up diving head-first into a basket of porn on a regular basis, or even cheating. It seems to me like because you don’t resent your girlfriend; you want to preserve the integrity of your relationship by not seeking pleasure from other women. This is a good thing.
I looked up the dictionary definition of pornography. It is “the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement.” I would say that yes, you are making porn.
If you feel horrible about your cinematic inclinations, you should go with your gut feeling that you’re not acting ethically. You are keeping a secret from someone you care about. Put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn’t it be weird and unsettling to not know that you’re a porn star (even if you are only starring for one person)?
Not to mention, what you’re doing might technically be illegal. In Florida, it is against the law to record someone’s voice without his or her consent. This includes moaning and screaming your name.
Have you tried finding out why your girlfriend insists on going so long without sex? You will need to have an honest discussion. Perhaps a solution can be reached through a gained understanding.
But remember, turnaround is fair play. There is no chance of a resolution (and more whoopee) without honesty, so you’ll have to come clean. On one hand, she might love the idea of starring in your personal stash. Then again, things might not go as smoothly as you hope, but it is the right thing to do.
Best of Luck!
V