Dear V: How do I give people a heads up on the truth?

Dear V,

I just found out through a couple of my friends that there is a very colorful rumor circulating about me.  Apparently, one of my guy friends is telling people that I gave him head in the bathroom of Land Shark Stadium during a Marlins game.  Needless to say, this isn’t true!  We’ve never even hooked up!  What can I do to set the record straight?


Dear Appalled,

This is all very high school, don’t you think?  Fortunately, the only person in this scenario acting like a child is this guy (I won’t call him your friend) with the vivid imagination.  Aside from him, people are often more discerning than you give them credit for.

Picture it this way: If he had approached you saying that a girl fellated him at a baseball game, wouldn’t you raise an eyebrow?

Most people realize that if a dude is gallivanting around telling tall tales of his sexual exploits, something’s up.  There must be some reason as to why he feels the need to engage in this behavior.

If anything, it is more of a reflection on him—not you.

You are undoubtedly above this pettiness.  If people ask you questions, calmly deny the allegations.  The more fervently you lash out in your defense, the more embarrassed and less sure of yourself you will seem.   After all, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.  It is your word against his.

And allow me to make myself clear: he is not your friend!

This creative young man has shown you nothing but disrespect through his actions.  No person, in the right mind, would ever jeopardize a friend’s reputation in an attempt to enhance his own.  Never.  Stay away from this one.

Just play it cool.  If he approaches to ask why you are avoiding him, give him a simple explanation, and nothing more.

As per the usual in high school, gossip evolves.  Rumors blow over.  This fib (and this guy) will be out of your hair before you can say, “Hey, wanna go to the men’s room?”

Only this time, we’re all adults, so karma will likely bite him in the you-know-what in a timely manner.

Best of luck!