V's Take

Dear V: Dream sex with an ex… with my boyfriend next to me

Dear V,

I have been in a great relationship for about five months now with an amazing guy.  Lately, I have been having sex dreams (even when we spend the night together) about my ex-boyfriend, with whom things did not end on the best terms about a year ago.  Usually I resist him in the dreams, but sometimes I end up giving in.  I wake up feeling really guilty and don’t know how to stop dreaming about my ex.  Do you think these dreams mean anything?

– Not-So-Sweet Dreams

Dear Sweet,

We often dream about things that are on our mind: desires, goals, concerns, etc.  But our dreams aren’t always the most blatantly obvious portrayal of what we think about while we are awake.  Sometimes it helps to put a little thought into our dreams in order to discover any possible hidden meanings.

The first thing that you need to do is start a journal of your dreams. The moment you wake up, write about what you experience while you sleep.  Give a play-by-play of what happens, along with any images or emotions that stand out to you.  This can help you map out how often you are having dreams about your ex, and find any recurring patterns that might be taking place.

While I am not a dream interpreter, I’d be happy to take a stab at the common symbols that appear in your dreams.

Let’s start with the ex.  You might be dreaming about him because you are in a fresh relationship.  As you mentioned, things did not end well with this former flame.  These dreams of him could be indicative of your desire to not make the same mistakes again with your new boo.

And of course, there’s the sex.  Dreaming about sex often represents reservations that you have in your waking life.   In this case, perhaps this reservation revolves around your current relationship.

At this time in your five-month relationship, things are probably moving past “fling” and into the realms of “serious.” This could be scary, and after an unhappy ending with your ex, I am sure that you might be experiencing a few small concerns about being in love again.

Meanwhile, make sure you continue the log.  Things like location, feelings, and objects that pop up in the dreams (no pun intended) might also provide invaluable insight to what you are going through.  You can find dream dictionaries in any bookstore or online, which could help you decipher the things that confuse you.

I’ll close with this most import piece of advice:  don’t let these dreams get you down!  If things are really going well with your boyfriend, my gut tells me that you have nothing to worry about.  Your jitters seem completely normal.  Deal with them one day at a time.  Just sit back, relax, and take pleasure in your new love.

Best of luck!

V

September 21, 2009

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

A six-pack of Hurricanes notes on a Thursday evening: ▪ UM coach Mark Richt has explained his decisi ...

The Miami Hurricanes had traveled half the field to start the second half when coach Mark Richt enco ...

Jeremiah Payton was one of those prospects the Miami Hurricanes coveted from just about the time he ...

The Miami Hurricanes’ secondary continues to get stronger. Miami, which already holds a pair of comm ...

Mark Richt said he’s spending the bye week evaluating everything about Miami’s offense, a process th ...

Two families with deep ties to Miami—the Millers and Fains— celebrate two endowed faculty chair appo ...

A fabulous team of staff and volunteers labors long and hard, primed with school spirit, behind the ...

The University of Miami remembers alumnus Erik Hauri—the man who discovered water on the moon. ...

Through an innovative program, Miami Law students are empowering local high schoolers to think like ...

The global exploration, media, and education company will kick off a national campaign at UM to offe ...

University of Miami head coach Gino DiMare released the Hurricanes' 2019 baseball schedule Thur ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team will take part in the ITA Southeast Regional Champion ...

The University of Miami women's swimming & diving team returns to competition this weekend, ...

The University of Miami volleyball team is set to host Clemson and Georgia Tech in the first of four ...

Four members of the Miami women's tennis team will take part in the ITA Southeast Regional Cham ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.