V's Take

Dear V: It takes two to tango…but we are three

Dear V,

I have recently been seeing two guys at once. Things were never exclusive with either one, so I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong up until this point. I’ve decided to take things to the next level with one, which means I have to end it with the other. Not only do I feel guilty, I feel like a complete bitch. Why do I feel like this? Is there a good way to tell this perfectly nice guy (who really likes me) that I no longer want to hook up with him in a nice way?

Sincerely,

Maneater

 

Dear Maneater,


You feel this way because you are a compassionate person, not a bitch. This is the good news. There is no guaranteed “good” way to dump someone. This is the bad news.

However, I can guide you in a more tactful direction, which will make the dumpee more likely to handle the breakup well.

Be honest. Tell him that you can no longer date him because you’re seeing someone else. It would be unfair to all three parties involved if things were to continue the way they are going.

Be concise. The more you sputter away during uncomfortable situations (such as breaking up with someone), the less sure of yourself you sound. This leaves more room for the dumpee to try and negotiate or argue with you. You made your decision. Make it clear. There is no need to whine about your innermost feelings or delve into long narratives about how you fell for one guy over the other. It’s simply not necessary.

And finally, DON’T APOLOGIZE. It is one thing to be mindful of the guy’s feelings, but it is quite another to be self-incriminating. Remember: you’re no longer going to hook up with him because you know that it is the right thing to do, even if he walks away from the conversation a little sore.

Heartache is a part of life. We all experience it at one point or another… and then maybe another. We all cause it at some point, too. An important lesson to take from this is that you don’t need to be a bad person to perceive it, or provoke it.

It’s alright to end what you feel is not meant to be with this former suitor. If everyone were afraid to walk away from an undesirable romance, simply to spare the feelings of their partner, could you imagine how miserable we’d all end up?

Besides, he might take things better than you expect.

Best of luck!

 

V

September 9, 2009

Reporters

Chelsea Matiash

Editor in Chief 09'-10'


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

University of Miami coach Mark Richt apparently is a fan of President Teddy Roosevelt’s — or at leas ...

If there was one freshman the Miami Hurricanes knew would have to help entering the season, Brevin J ...

Not only has Gerald Willis been one of the best stories of the Miami Hurricanes’ season, he has also ...

The Miami Hurricanes started the season No. 8 nationally in both major polls. Now, they’re nowhere t ...

With a bye week on the horizon, the meager University of Miami offense has nearly two weeks to attem ...

More than 600 students participate in the National Gandhi Day of Service, the largest annual service ...

Home Truth, the story of Jessica Lenahan’s pursuit of more effective domestic violence laws, screene ...

Members of the UM community who want to donate to relief efforts for those impacted by Hurricanes Mi ...

The University of Miami’s Model UN is working to expand its membership and reputation with its first ...

During a keynote address at a conference in Los Angeles, entrepreneurial heavyweight Magic Leap anno ...

The Miami Hurricanes volleyball team improved to 10-5, 6-2 in the ACC, with a 3-0 sweep of Boston Co ...

The Miami women's tennis team closed the Bedford Cup with a perfect day, winning each match in ...

"In The Pool" is a series highlighting the University of Miami swimming & diving stude ...

Playing in front of a boisterous home crowd, the University of Miami soccer team earned a, 1-1, draw ...

The Hurricanes fell in their ACC road opener to the Virginia Cavaliers. ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.