V's Take

Dear V: ‘If you see it in porn, it does not mean that it works in real life!’

DISCLAIMER: The following column includes information of a sexual nature. If you are not comfortable with this subject matter, The Miami Hurricane advises that you not read any further.

Dear V,

A while ago, I caved into my boyfriend’s requests that we give anal sex a try. I thought, why not? After all, you can’t say you don’t like something until you’ve tried it. Now, although he plays it off jokingly, I know he wishes it would happen more often. I am an opinionated person and have no problem expressing what I want, but how I go about kindly letting him know its not all that porn stars make it up to be?

Sincerely,
Miss Uneasy

Dear Uneasy,

Take a second and think back to your childhood. Do you remember the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie? You could learn a lot from this epic tale when it comes to sexual discretion and decision-making. Once the mouse gets a cookie, the little scamp expects milk!

Basically: if you give your boyfriend anal sex, he’s probably going to be expecting more since you’ve already heeded his modest request once before.

Please don’t get me wrong – I am not telling you that you’re obligated to repeat the act. In fact, I think that it was thoughtful and downright benevolent of you to keep an open mind and try anal sex for the first time. After all, you mention that your boyfriend only wanted to give it “a try.” You did just that.

The reason your boyfriend wanted to attempt anal sex was to see how much you enjoyed it – in an ideal world. In reality, he probably hoped to engage in a foot-in-the-door bargain in which he hoped the first time would lead to more. A lot of guys go crazy for anal sex. So while you can’t blame him for trying, it is pretty naughty of him to expect you to engage in something you don’t like. If anything, he should respect your desires as much as you have already expected his. If you say “no,” he needs to be accepting of that.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to send a message to all guys: If you see it in porn, it does not mean that it works in real life! These people get paid to enact erotically challenging feats. And after all, there is a reason porn stars call themselves “actors.”

Be as honest with your man as you’d like on the subject matter. Something as simple as “I tried it, and it’s not my cup of tea” should do the trick. You are entitled to his courtesy.

-Best of luck!
V

April 15, 2009

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