V's Take

Dear V: Grad school really weighing me down, but will men still see me the same way?

Dear V,

I have always been overweight. As an adolescent I was placed on numerous diets, but nothing worked. Finally, I got a bariatric procedure as a high school graduation gift. I lost a lot of weight and continued to lose through my freshman year. As a sophomore I started to enjoy a social life and a sex life. Now that I am in grad school the weight has crept back and I am heavier than ever. What is worse is that my dating career is dead. Are men so shallow that they only buy into what Hollywood and fashion dictate? I’m still the same me, just jigglier.

-Problems weighing me down

Dear Weighing,

No. No, no, no… no!!!

Allow me to rephrase: Guys are not as shallow as women have them out to be – at least not the right kind of guy. But it also must be said that a man’s perception of a woman’s sex appeal is not up to the man at all. In fact, any woman has the power to control how she is seen by men. Shall I explain?

Many a coed complains about how a peer she deems less physically attractive than herself has managed to win over the affection of a hot guy. She asks why she herself isn’t as romantically successful as this girl. The answer is simple: she’s asking the question in the first place!

The fact of the matter is, if a woman feels she is inferior, then she is inferior. When women have lower levels of self esteem, it is obvious to those around them. A guy could ask himself, “If she doesn’t have much to offer, why should I take it?”

It is clear that you feel this way about your weight, and it doesn’t have to be this way. You are absolutely capable of a sex life.

The first step that you need to take is to change your attitude. Tell yourself what makes you hot. Think about all of the things that make you desirable and would make someone love you. Do this as often as possible, and your attitude will follow. Soon enough, the same guy that might question what you have to offer could be saying, “This chick has a lot to offer! I need in on that!”

Now once you have bettered your mind, you can work on bettering your body. You will find shedding the extra pounds a lot easier once you can think more positively about yourself.

Don’t stress over your image in hopes to land the wonderful Mr. X. You deserve your own admiration first, and then you can give the opposite sex the privilege of offering theirs. It won’t be easy, but I believe you can do it.

Best of luck!

March 25, 2009



Advice Columnist

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