V's Take

Dear V: How can I spice up my pillow talk?

Dear V,

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to take our sex life to the next level. She wants us to start talking dirty to each other in bed. Unfortunately, I’ve never done this before and don’t know what to say. Do you have any advice for what I should say?

-Tongue Twisted Tool

Dear Tool,

It is completely understandable to feel a bit bashful when you first engage in dirty talk with your partner. Think about it; you are revealing some pretty intimate insights that you (I’m assuming) don’t reveal to anyone else. It’s common to worry about what the other person will think when you begin to delve into fantasy.

In fact, this type of preoccupation is incredibly common when it comes to risqué conversations. You probably don’t realize this because, let’s face it, who wants to admit to that?

Perhaps if we take a few steps back and reappraise the situation, your nerves could be put at ease. First and foremost, your girlfriend initiated the idea of dirty talk. This means that she wants to hear what you have to say, so don’t be afraid to tell her! Remember that she will also be participating in the conversation, and therefore is willing to utter some tittilating tidbits herself.

This brings me to my second point: accept this as an opportunity to enjoy yourself. Your sweetie seems really interested in spicing up your sex lives, and it is great that she is willing to take an initiative while giving you the opportunity to participate. You two could really wow each other with what you have to say.

And please, don’t be hung up on what to say. When passion mounts in the bedroom, being willing to express oneself is the most important thing you can do to make it a great experience. Tell her whatever comes to mind. If you want to kiss her somewhere, tell her! I would continue with a few examples, but I would like to keep things PG-13.

If you are still nervous, try starting slow. For instance, send her a scandalous e-mail to let her know how much you are looking forward to “seeing” her tonight, or even knock her off her feet with a sexy text message telling her how you want to – you know…

Dirty talk is a great way to, as you say it, take a relationship “to the next level.” It allows couples to open up to one another, not to mention drive each other nuts all day (in a good way)!

Best of luck!

March 1, 2009



Advice Columnist

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