V's Take

Dear V: After V-Day love, I want to break it off. When should I say it?

Dear V,

I just got back from my Valentine’s Day date with my girlfriend of nine months. The dinner was going very well until my girlfriend told me that she loved me. I of course panicked and lied to her when I said, “I love you too.” Once she dropped that emotional bomb on me, I realized that I don’t have any romantic feelings for her anymore and want to end things. How soon after Valentine’s Day is it okay to dump her?

-The Heartbreak Kid

Dear Kid,

“Emotional bomb,” huh? You make romance sound like warfare. Duck and cover, your girlfriend loves you! You also make a little, pink Hallmark-holiday sound like a sacred, holy day. Here is the shocking truth: you went on a date last Saturday with a girl you’re seeing and she dropped the “L” word (gasp!).

The time of year should never dictate your feelings. You are entitled to move on whenever you’d like. That’s what dating is all about.

However, it is never a good time of year to mislead people. I know you don’t want to break her heart, because obviously she means something to you – even if your feelings aren’t romantic. So be honest. Tell her the “L” word scares you at this time because you aren’t at a point in your life when you are ready to make that declaration. There is nothing wrong with that.

It is all too common to see a guy who wants out of a relationship that starts acting like a bachelor: never calling, talking less, lying and, dare I say it, slacking in the sack! Nobody wants that to happen. Can we agree on that? All the while, both you and your girlfriend can be spared. Don’t be a chicken. Man up.

If you want to end things, end things. Heartbreak is never pretty, any time of the year. But we are young, resilient people and her heart will mend. She’ll be okay!

You and your future ex both deserve to be happy. Prolonging a failed relationship is an obvious, surefire way to keep you both miserable.

And since you seem to care about the interests of both parties, I trust that you’ll do the right thing. Best of luck!


P.S. Or you can always wait a few weeks and then start a meaningless fight… just kidding!

February 18, 2009



Advice Columnist

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