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Hurriqueen: Should I pursue a possible unrequited love for perfect compatibility?

Dear Hurriqueen,

There’s this guy on my floor who I’ve been chasing since last semester. Looks-wise, he’s a 10 and I’m a 7. But when it comes to personality, I think we’re 100 percent compatible. The problem is that I think he doesn’t look at us as anything beyond friends. It’s always me stopping by his room to hear him ask for advice on the girls he lusts after. I’ve been hoping that eventually he’d take it to another level, but I don’t want to waste any more time or say anything to him. I think it’s time for a new strategy. Do you have any ideas?

-Say I’m just a friend?

Dear Reader,

Like it or not, everything in life comes down to one thing: status. This is apparent in all human interactions, especially relationships.

Case in point: Next time you take a walk around campus, look for a couple holding hands. Inevitably, one half of the seemingly picture-perfect union will appear more interested and devoted. At this moment, he or she has forfeited all power in the relationship. Once this couple’s power shifts – which it must if the relationship is going to work – the weaker of the two will have gained the power.

You say you and your floor fella are “100 percent compatible.” Really, now? Does the power in your friendship ever shift, or are you maintaining his status by being the girl who always stops by his room to listen to his problems?

If the answer is yes, then you must show some restraint. You may have willingly put your heads over your heels for this boy, but it’s time to stand up straight and have some dignity. Stop randomly visiting his room. Let him make the next visit and observe to see if he is coming for support or to see how you’ve been. If and when this happens, you’ll know the power has shifted.

But heed the lesson in the following Chinese proverb: “It is easy to seize power, but difficult to maintain it.” In your situation, this means you can’t expect for him to keep coming to you. So take a little, but give a little.

Up until now we’ve analyzed the dynamic of your friendship with this boy so that you could establish some balance. Unfortunately, there’s no strategy for winning his affection. It’s either there or it’s not. And if and when you receive the power in this situation, you’ll be able to tell if he talks to you to get something more than advice.

XOXO,
Hurriqueen

February 1, 2009

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