V's Take

Dear V: Dealing with a messy relationship

DISCLAIMER: The following column includes information about personal bodily functions and sexual interactions. If you are not comfortable with this subject matter, The Miami Hurricane advises that you not read any further.

Help. I have a dark secret – dark brown, that is. My girlfriend is constantly dieting and uses laxatives to stay thin. Sometimes when we are intimate and she is in the throes of ecstasy, she soils. What should I say? It sometimes ruins the moment for me.

– Lou Stoolz

Hello Reader,

Before I give you the magic words to say to your girlfriend when she sullies the sack, I think we need to take a step back and reassess the problem. The issue does not lie in your inability to receive pleasure in bed. The real issue is what your girlfriend is doing to her body by using laxatives to stay lean.

I am not a doctor, but I do know that abusing laxatives can take its toll on the body. The overuse of laxatives can cause dependence and throw off the delicate balance of minerals and electrolytes that your body needs, causing nerves and muscles in vital organs like your colon and heart to function improperly. Dehydration can occur, causing tremors, weakness, blurred vision, fainting and even death in the most extreme circumstances. Abusing laxatives is incredibly harmful.

From the wording of your question, your concerns seem more focused on yourself, rather than the more serious (and embarrassing) problem that your partner faces. Your choices are the following: Either step it up and care about someone aside from yourself, or get out of the relationship so that your girlfriend can take care of herself, rather than your libido. If you choose the latter, this discussion is done, as it is unfair and unethical to ignore something so serious affecting someone you “care” about. If you choose the former, then I applaud your courage and offer you the magic words that you are looking for.

You need to confront this problem with your girlfriend. Do so by showing her how much you care about her. Remind her that you will be on her side no matter what happens and that she is beautiful and does not need to lose weight. If you have a tough time finding the right words for her, the Counseling Center on campus can be of assistance, and it is completely confidential. Encourage her to visit the center as well.

You can even take this one step further by embarking on a healthier lifestyle as a couple. Go for walks. Cook dinner together. It can be fun for both of you to bond, and is a great way for her to feel better inside and out!

Of course, this is not a slight task. Remember to enlist your resources and make sure your girlfriend seeks medical attention to guide her through her laxative withdrawal safely.

Best of luck,


P.S. The Counseling Center can be reached at (305) 284-5511

January 28, 2009



Advice Columnist

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