V's Take

Dear V: What to do when I can’t separate the gay from the straight?

Dear V, 

I am a gay student and I am looking for a boyfriend on campus. The problem is that the type of guy I’m attracted to is usually straight. I don’t have problems with people knowing that I am gay, I just do not know how to approach guys that I am interested in. Am I going to be a virgin forever? 

~Hopeless Guy 


Dear Hopeless Guy, 

No, I highly doubt you’ll be a virgin forever. There’s nothing wrong in waiting for the right person and the right time. In fact, getting to the point where you do actually lose your virginity is half the fun. Don’t get down on yourself and don’t lose all hope. On the contrary, you have everything to look forward to and nothing to lose (okay, maybe one thing to lose)!

Describing yourself as hopeless may sound accurate to you now, but why? Why does being single and a virgin make you feel so discouraged? I bet you’re a wonderful guy and I bet anybody would be lucky to date you. Believe that about yourself and other people will notice it too.

I have learned through personal experience and by watching other people that if you focus entirely on finding a boyfriend, you end up achieving the opposite. Be yourself, be confident, and one day you’ll meet a guy who’s just right for you.

I know I sound like the corniest inspirational speaker ever, but it’s true. Put yourself out there without expecting to meet “The One.” I find that when you expect something to happen, you limit yourself to just that version of what could be. Sometimes it’s impossible to imagine what’s waiting for you. So don’t box yourself in. Do what you like to do, hang out with people who interest you, and don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.

The easiest way to learn how to approach a guy you like is by approaching everyone. Talk to new people every day just for the sake of it. This way, you’ll expand your guy-searching horizon and maybe you’ll end up with new friends! Once you’re used to doing this, going up to a guy you like will no longer seem so daunting. After all, he is just a guy and you are just saying hello.

I don’t want to belabor the point; you get the picture. You’ll get there. Just enjoy the ride ‘til then! (And enjoy “the ride” when you get there.)

November 12, 2008



Advice Columnist

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