V's Take

Dear V: What should I do after failing my personal taste test?

DISCLAIMER: The following column includes graphic sexual content. If you are not comfortable with this subject matter, The Hurricane advises that you not read any further. The question has been edited for content.

It’s been said that blowjobs are like roses for men, and I definitely agree. I love getting “blowskis” from my girlfriend, but lately she hasn’t been migrating south as usual, so I asked her what’s up. She explained that I just doesn’t taste like I should. After talking to her, I got curious and wanted to make sure that it was the real reason for our drought, so I sampled it myself. To my surprise, it was worse than I thought. Is there any way to sweeten this stew? Or am I just doomed to get bad reviews from my female taste-testers?

-Not Sweet Enough

 

Dear Not Sweet Enough, 

This is important. It’s so important that a “Sex and the City” episode was dedicated to this issue. It’s so important that you can ask almost any guy and he’ll have an answer for you faster than you can say “blowski.” It’s so important that there are entire Web sites dedicated to providing bullet point after bullet point of advice on how to “sweeten the stew,” as you so eloquently put it.

The fact is that these “man roses” are more than just a nice treat – they signify the essence of your manhood. And in the realization that your relationship has taken a sour turn in correlation to this lack of activity, it’s definitely a priority to get to the bottom of this dilemma and to prevent an eternal drought for your own sanity.

Go ahead and let out a sigh of relief. You are not doomed to the disapproval of your “female taste-testers” and there are supposedly plenty of ways of improving the flavor of your protein. I’m not a doctor, so obviously my advice is not medically substantiated, but I’ll give it my best.

What you eat influences the way you taste, which makes sense. I asked around a little bit and found out that fruit, especially pineapple, significantly improves the flavor. Foods like garlic, asparagus and red meat supposedly contribute to a sour or bitter flavor, so maybe cut back on those. Perhaps the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” should be appended with “and keeps the ladies down south.”

By changing your lifestyle in the most simple of ways, you increase your chances getting a happy ending. And that’s what she said.

Best of luck

V!

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.

October 15, 2008

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

If redshirt freshman N’Kosi Perry is starting Thursday night for the No. 16 Miami Hurricanes against ...

It sure sounds like redshirt freshman N’Kosi Perry is going to get his first career start at 8 Thurs ...

If he hasn’t made it already, Miami Hurricanes coach Mark Richt has a defining decision to ponder in ...

They were way below the radar coming into the 1983 season. And after their 28-3 opening-game loss to ...

In the opening eight minutes on Saturday — and the final seven minutes — FIU looked like a team that ...

Theatre arts students open the Ring Theatre’s 2018-19 season with a tribute to the creative genius w ...

UM representatives earned Novice and Junior Varsity categories at the National Opener, one of the mo ...

The Office of Civic and Community Engagement receives a $300,000 investment from JPMorgan Chase to t ...

Get Out The Vote, a nonpartisan initiative headed by the Division of Student Affairs and the Butler ...

University of Miami Libraries commemorates Banned Books Week with a special event and display. ...

Conference play is just a few days away and the Miami Hurricanes are focused on their ACC opener on ...

The Miami Hurricanes were one of the biggest risers in both major polls released Sunday, jumping to ...

Miami junior Estela Perez-Somarriba's 6-4, 6-3 victory over Evgeniya Levashova will be re-broad ...

Estela Perez-Somarriba of the Miami women's tennis team earned one of the most prestigious coll ...

The University of Miami volleyball program defeated Duke, 3-1, winning its fourth straight match and ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.