V's Take

Dear V: Should I be okay with allowing my boyfriend’s birthday ménage à trois?

Dear V, 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years. We are fairly serious and in a committed relationship. For his upcoming 21st birthday, he asked me if I would be willing to consider a threesome. Always intrigued by the idea I said I would give it some thought; however, he recently informed me it wouldn’t be with any ordinary girl. He wanted the other girl involved to be my OLDER SISTER. I really don’t want to do this, but he might be the love of my life. I don’t want to lose him! 

-No Way!

 

Dear No Way, 

Judging by the way you signed your letter and by the way you said, “I really don’t want to do this,” I would think that it’d be wisest not to do this. I’m no advocate of threesomes, especially in serious, committed relationships such as the one you claim to have, but this one seems to be a no-brainer.

You need to take into question a few of the premises of this proposal. First, this is a threesome you’re talking about here. Not role-playing. Not S&M. A threesome. Meaning there is someone else there who is not part of this ‘serious and committed’ relationship. Your boyfriend is saying that he needs another girl there to make him feel special for his 21st birthday. Basically meaning that what you’ve given him is not enough. Who needs his girlfriend when he could have sisters?

When taking this into account, does that translate into true love? Sure, we’ve all heard of people who have and enjoy threesomes, but it usually happens between people who don’t ‘love’ one of the other partners and who can have sex without having emotional repercussions.

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I would want is to see my boyfriend whom I love and care about having sex with another person. And if he’s so willing to be so ballsy this early in life when things are still so fresh and exciting, who’s to say that he’ll draw the line there if you do end up with him later in life?

And let’s not forget the clincher – he wants to have sex with your sister! In front of you! What?! On the most basic level, that just screams incest to me, but on a deeper level, that’s just selfishness at its best. Or worst. Sounds like a sick little ploy to check off ‘Sister Threesome’ on his sexual to-do list.

Trust your instincts when they tell you that this is not good for you. How can you engage in something so meaningful without being honest about how it makes you feel? The point is that it’s a risk not worth taking. Be firm in your conviction and be wary of the ‘love of your life.’

October 12, 2008

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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