V's Take

Dear V: Gaydar failing, can’t tell if I should pursue crush

Dear V,

There’s this guy at work that I have been majorly crushing on for two years now. He makes me laugh like no other, his adorable smile cheers me up on even the worst of days, and I’m constantly inspired by his talents. The only problem is that he’s not gay, or at least that’s what his Facebook says. The thing that keeps my hopes up is that he isn’t linked to any girl and he continuously flirts back with me and blushes despite knowing I’m gay. My gaydar can’t tell if he’s genuinely interested or if he’s just being a tease. How do I go after the man of my dreams (or get him to go after me) without making it incredibly awkward and/or looking like a complete ass and ruining our friendship? Please help!

~In the Crush Closet

Dear “In the Crush Closet,”

So I think I have some good news to start off with: your crush has to be gay. Or bisexual. Trust me, no straight guy would ever flirt with a guy he knows is gay. Oh, and the blushing. That’s a huge tip-off too. While it is possible that he’s being a tease, it’s just not possible that he’s being a tease and straight.

There may be a few reasons why he claims to be straight, at least on Facebook. For one reason or another, I have found that gay men aren’t always as open about their sexuality as the next guy. Maybe he’s just one of those really private people who like to keep their personal lives and their professional lives as separate as they can. And since you fall into the latter category, you have been excluded from the first.

It would probably be healthier for you to take a step back from the situation. You say he’s the man of your dreams, but you don’t even know him well enough to know if he’s gay or straight. The way he makes you laugh and cheers you up when you’re down is a good start, but that could simply be a sign of a good friendship, not necessarily an epic love. You need to find out where he stands and how he feels about you outside of the workplace.

After two years of this crush, it’s pretty safe to say that he probably won’t be making any major moves on you any time soon. Take it into your own hands and see what happens, but start small. Invite him to go see a movie or out to dinner this weekend. That way, you’ll be able to be more honest about your intentions without putting too much at risk. He could easily take you up on the offer or he could gently turn you down without making you look like an “ass” or ruining your friendship.

Be confident and know that whatever happens will work out for the best.

October 1, 2008

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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