V,
One of my good 20-year-old friends is horrible with women. I don’t think he has had a real girlfriend in years. He is so desperate that he feels that he has to cruise high schools in order to get any action. Recently, our group of friends found out that he has been fooling around with a 10th grader. We fear that he is taking advantage of a very young and na’ve girl and we don’t believe it’s healthy for him to satisfy his sexual appetite with a 10th grader.
How can we get him to stop what he is doing? How can we confront him without making him feel like we’re ganging up on him? While we strongly disapprove of his shenanigans, we don’t want to lose him as a friend.
-Wary of Adolescent Action
Dear Wary,
I understand. You can see your friend continuously ramming his head into the same wall over and over again, yet he doesn’t seem to learn anything. What’s not frustrating about that? Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do short of an intervention and even then, your influence in the matter looks slim to none.
You’re right, the logic behind this situation doesn’t seem to add up. Think about it: We are college students, the demographic of the ultimate no-strings-attached hook up. You’d be hard-pressed to find an easier place to find that kind of action.
You say your friend is horrible with women. Clearly he is turning to a younger, more na’ve crowd in order to hide from this insecurity that even you admit is so obvious. The good news is that no one is so “bad with women” that it’s impossible to find anyone. I like to think that there is someone for everyone and if only he were to allow such a possibility, then maybe he could realize this too.
As a friend, your best option is to be honest with him. Privately and discreetly let him know that you have his best interest at heart and that any suggestion you make is for his own good. He may not be happy to hear what you have to say or accept that there is truth to your concern, but that’s the thing about humans: sometimes we just don’t learn ’til it comes back to bite us in the bum.
Best of luck!
V
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