What do you mean ‘There was no spark’?

    Dear V,

    I went on a date with a guy who was introduced to me by mutual friends. We had talked over e-mail for about two weeks before the date. We clearly had similar interests and we both enjoyed the date.

    A few days later, he told me that I’m a great girl but that he couldn’t see anything coming of it because he didn’t feel a “spark.” I have a theory that this “spark” people talk about so much is just lust and that what you really need is just a connection. What do you think?

    – Spark-less

    Dear Spark-less,

    I hate to side with your date and shoot down your spark theory, but the truth is that “spark” really is what differentiates friendships from romances. A connection with someone is great, but you do need that indefinable quality to really get going.

    There needs to be some angst, some giddiness, some butterflies in your stomach, some uncertainty that keeps you up wondering at night. I realize that these are all qualities that crazy people have, but it’s also what people need in order to eventually fall crazy in love.

    After all, if there is no spark to begin with, then how are you going to maintain a spark years into a relationship when you know each other better than you know yourself? That flip of your stomach when you’re about to see your boyfriend/girlfriend is what it’s about, not just a commonality in interests that you share.

    Plenty of people go out on perfectly successful dates without ever resulting in anything substantial, but the fact that this guy was honest enough to face the truth speaks volumes about his character. At this very moment, I’m sure plenty of people are just now realizing, “Wow, that’s why s/he didn’t call me back! There was no spark!” And they will be right.

    Best of luck!

    Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com. Do it! All questions and comments will remain anonymous.