Uncategorized

Open-door sex policy is not cool

Dear Hurriqueen,

I have two questions for you today. The first is, I think I know who you are. So please tell me, are you who I think you are? Because if you are who I think you are, then you already know who I am.

In any case, my real question:

I live off campus with two girls and another guy. The guy is dating one of the girls. One morning I woke up earlier than normal, and I walked in on the dating roommates doing the nasty. They stopped really quickly, but of course it was awkward. And they were doing it with the door open. I don’t really care that they’re having sex – we’re adults, whatever – but how do I approach them about keeping the door shut? It’s really awkward, and now sometimes I’m scared to come out of my room if I wake up earlier than normal. What do I do!?

Sincerely,
Awkward Situation

Dear Awkward,

I know who you are, but you don’t know me. Creeped out yet? I find that you’re fierce and sexy, but I could never risk revealing my true identity, as it would ruin this column. But alas, I digress.

I have thought long and hard about your situation. There are at least three logical explanations why your roommates are acting as if your house were a porn studio.

First, maybe they shut the door only to discover that it opened sometime before you saw them spanking each other. Second, maybe they were so intoxicated that they didn’t realize the door was open. And lastly, maybe they wanted you to see them. Kinky.

But seriously here, who am I to speculate? Whether your roommates are idiots, druggies or seeking a threesome with you, the fact remains that you are uncomfortable seeing their hole and pole unite.

And because of this, you have no choice but to make your feelings known. You can continue being a wussy pushover who stays in his room until he is expected to wake, or you can take charge and tell your nasty roomies that it is time to cut out the public displays of erection.

I say you go with the latter option. Sit down with the two of them and politely say that privacy is important to you and you would really appreciate it if they could keep their door closed. Sure, it’s going to be awkward to say, but do you really want to see them exchange bodily fluids for the rest of the semester?

XOXO,
The Hurriqueen

Send questions to hurriqueen@gmail.com. He’ll get to them, if he feels like it.

February 25, 2008

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


Around the Web

Instead of in-person celebrations at Hard Rock Stadium, President Julio Frenk announced that the University of Miami will hold its four observances online because of updated COVID-19 data. ...

The newly chartered Peruvian Students Association seeks to expand its impact and influence beyond campus, supporting protests against education cutbacks in the South American country and connecting students across the United States to their Andean roots. ...

Leyna Stemle found that by attaching green LED lights to fishing nets in Ghana, the illumination was able to divert most of the reptiles from becoming entangled and hurt. ...

As the world observes the 32nd annual World AIDS Day, a University of Miami team is shining a bright light on a neighborhood initiative to curtail the epidemic. ...

With the acquisition of the new instrument and an accompanying nanoindenter, studies at the College of Engineering are entering a new and advanced era of materials characterization. ...

TMH Twitter
About Us

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published in print every Tuesday.