Dear Hurriqueen,
I have been hanging out with this guy for about a month and we’ve really been enjoying our time together. The only problem is that he’s kinda new to the whole gay thing and he’s worried about getting too physical too quickly. We’re really attracted to each other so I don’t see why we should wait any longer. I really don’t even wanna rush into having sex with him. All I want to do is make out and go from there. How do I make him want to lock lips without making him feel uncomfortable and pressured?
-Lips Don’t Lie
Dear Lips,
Just when I start believing that every man in Miami is a trashy whore, you send me this wholesome question and give me some faith! Kudos to you for being so patient and understanding for your man.
While Miami may be a very liberal and evolved city that fosters acceptance, the reality is that several UM students remain “closet cases.” They are convinced that they can’t come out of the closet and succeed as the men God made them. When they’re not parading around town with the straight crowd, they’re hooking up with guys via the Internet, digging deeper and deeper into a state of depressing denial.
Others take baby steps as they explore their homosexuality. They meet gay people on campus, learn that being gay isn’t that big of a deal, and slowly come out to a select few. With time, they learn to love themselves so they can in turn love someone else.
It seems to me that the man you’re gushing over falls into the later category. Believe me, be thankful. Yes, I understand that it’s frustrating at times to not yet be able to physically express your attraction to him. However, as experience has shown me, it is exponentially better for the feelings to come before the exchange of bodily fluids.
By waiting for the mind numbing make out sessions and sex scenes fit for a Hollywood movie, you are giving yourself the opportunity to develop a foundation on which you can build a healthy relationship with your guy.
But all of your work will mean nothing if you do the slightest thing to hurt that foundation. Although you’re tempted to put the moves on him, you need to give him the time he needs. Only then will you have the relationship you deserve.
Keep me updated. And when he is finally ready to take it off, make sure ya’ll get tested together and wrap your pickles.
XOXO,
The Hurriqueen
Send questions to
hurriqueen@gmail.com. He’ll get to them, if he feels like it.