News, EDGE coverage in first issue of semester disappointing

I was exceedingly disappointed by the publication of a complete piece of garbage on my arrival back to Coral Gables. As a student employee on campus, I am a long-time reader and depend on your publication to get me through the week. Last week’s effort could best be described as atrocious. Firstly, the cover story about Chipotle was completely pointless. Honestly, was there nothing better to write about? It seems obvious that the temptation to feature a cover emblazoned with a silver burrito rather than an actual informational piece (such as the news about the new housing policy) was too great to overcome.

Secondly, this issue featured an “opinion” piece in which Mr. Buyanovsky managed to ramble about his girlfriend for an astounding seven paragraphs without actually forming an opinion. I’m glad that you have a nice girlfriend, but honestly, no one cares. At least Mr. Antweil, in his piece on baseball’s steroid controversy, managed to actually formulate an opinion in his misguided attempt to defuse this touchy issue. Although I won’t delve into this one, I did find the idea that the best solution to a problem is to simply ignore it mildly interesting, if not rather ridiculous. My advice to the editor: Don’t let freshmen write anything aside from the shorts on page two.

As I continued my venture through this remarkable issue, I was surprised by another gem of wisdom. It would seem that I managed to miss every big movie of the previous year. My grief over not experiencing “The Lives of Others” on the silver screen will keep me up at night for weeks. Honestly, who saw these movies? I’m sure that none of the smash hits like “300,” “Knocked Up,” and “Superbad” would even remotely appeal to your publication’s audience. Please, be realistic from now on.

In closing, I would like to thank the sports writers for producing the consistently quality section of the paper. In a reasonable amount of time, I could bring myself up to date on the progress of our various sports programs and also enjoy an entertaining and informative article about one of our walk-on athletes. My only wish was that over the course of the last four weeks, the rest of the paper could have managed half as much effort.

– Tommy Kiger