V,
I live in an apartment with three other girls. I’ve been secretly hooking up with one of my roommates for a while now. We’re not dating or anything, we just really like kissing. I don’t think the other girls suspect anything, but I don’t know if we should tell them or just wait to get caught. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Should we say something to our roommates?
~ Dirty Little Secret
Dear Reader,
Well, there are certainly a lot of things to consider before you decide whether or not to tell your roommates about your secret trysts.
For starters, what’s your sexual preference, anyway? I ask this not because it really matters, but because it may make a difference in how you deliver the message about your make-out sessions to your roommates. I guarantee the bomb you drop will have much more of an impact if they didn’t know you were attracted to girls in the first place. If this is the case, you run the risk of upsetting your roommates for keeping them in the dark about a much larger part of your life.
Of course, that all depends on whether your roommates double as your friends. If not, they have no real reason to be concerned about which sex you’re in to.
What might trouble them, however, is if there’s a romantic relationship going on in their apartment that they were unaware of. Are you sure your secret meetings are purely physical? You and your roommate eat together, share a bathroom and are only separated by a few walls at any given moment. You’ve seen one another at your worst. Considering your close proximity, it would be easy for a sexual relationship to turn emotional.
Before you take things any further, think about whether or not you really want to be involved with someone you live with. Sure, there are perks (like sleepovers without having to worry about schlepping your belongings to and from the other person’s place), but you risk losing a sense of autonomy. Are you willing to give that up?
If you decide to continue the affair, don’t let your roommates find out by walking in on you two. Your apartment is their home too and they deserve to feel comfortable there. I don’t mean to imply that they should have any say of whom you choose to kiss. They simply ought to know what’s going on under their own roof. If that means a few minutes of awkward conversation, so be it. Fess up and make life easier for everyone.
Best of luck!
V
Fact O’ the Day: Most adolescent homosexual experiences occur with peers. One survey revealed that about 10 percent of college men and six percent of women had at least one homosexual partner in high school.
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