V,
So, the other day I admitted to my girlfriend that I sometimes look at porn and she completely flipped out. I didn’t think it was that big of an issue. I thought all girls knew that all guys my age look at porn. What’s her deal?
~Normal College Guy
Dear Reader,
Well, you’re basically right. Many studies have shown that the typical pornographic bookstore customer is an educated, middle class male between the ages of 22 and 34. Give or take a few years and that’s the definition of college student. There are a number of reasons why your girlfriend may be, uh, turned off by you getting turned on.
It might be a simple jealousy issue. Though most females are aware that men like porn, no woman wants to discover that her significant other falls into that category. Until you revealed your little secret, your girlfriend was under the impression that she offered you everything you needed – sexually and otherwise. While men may consider looking at or watching pornography as innocent as shooting hoops or playing video games, your girl may see your hobby as a threat. Some women believe their man wouldn’t turn to pornography unless he was looking to fill a void in their relationship. Your girlfriend may also feel that she’s in competition with the women in your magazines and movies. I’m sure your girlfriend is beautiful, but chances are she’ll never look like the plastic, airbrushed versions of women who appear in nudie photos.
If your girl’s somewhat of a feminist, she may think porn degrades women or portrays them as mere sex objects. Some pornography encourages male dominance or even violence against women. One study showed that male exposure to pornographic portrayals of rape can lead to men being more tolerant of sexual assault.
But I don’t want you to feel too bad. Women purchase and watch pornography too. One survey revealed that 65 percent of X-rated movies were purchased by a woman or a heterosexual couple. I gather that your girlfriend is not one of these women. Plenty of couples watch pornography together and incorporate the videos in to their bedroom routine. Having an interest in pornography is certainly within the bounds of “normal” sexual behavior.
If your girlfriend doesn’t object to pornography for feminist reasons, perhaps she’d feel better if the two of you watched together. If she can’t seem to wrap her head around that idea, you’ll need to figure something else out. Maybe institute a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when it comes to your viewing habit. Talk to your girlfriend and find out what will make her more comfortable, but don’t be surprised if she asks you to give up pornography altogether. If your flesh-and-blood girl is more important to you than any virtual one, consider trashing the porn collection and finding a new hobby.
Best of luck,
V
Fact ‘o the Day: Not only do men think about sex more often than women, they have more frequent and varied fantasies, desire more sexual partners and have a greater frequency of intercourse.