Freshman Survival 102: A very bad Spring Break

Every year, college kids across the nation flock to exotic places like Cancun, Europe, and Booze Cruises around the Caribbean. These exotic trips don’t usually pay for themselves, and if you don’t have your parents to fork over the Almighty Dollar, your plans for Spring Break might become limited.

Such was the case with yours truly, who was forced to pack her bags and head not 520 miles southwest to unlimited drinking, but 30 miles north, to unlimited babysitting and parental supervision. So what is there to do for ten days when you have a fund of $0 dollars and a curfew? Well, some fun-filled activities that I engaged in included:

1.) Waking up at 3 p.m. every single day excluding a Saturday, where it was 4 p.m. The reason for waking up late was not due to a hangover from one too many body shots the night before, but from a Fresh Prince of Bel Air marathon on Nick at Nite.

2.) Reading gossip magazines like “US weekly”, “Life & Style” or the people section of “Time”, until I became an expert at matching the celebrity mom to her baby. My boyfriend became an expert at “Style Watch: Who wears it better? Chelsea Clinton vs. Jennifer Lopez.” Hmm, tough one.

3.) On an outing to Spring Break Central, also known as South Beach, via the “S” bus, I witnessed every mother’s worst nightmare and every son’s ultimate fantasy: girls in string bikinis rubbing baby oil over each other, to be well rewarded for their services later by a famous Miami-based porn site creator (best known for classy sites such as Everyone enjoyed themselves immensely, particularly a sward of pale gentlemen presumably from the north, who immediately whipped out their camera phones and went crazy.

4.) Volunteering at the Hispanic version of Oktoberfest, which had Pi