I have been dating this girl ever since we met at orientation freshman year. She’s the first serious girlfriend I’ve ever had, but I want to move on-I’m too young to be with just one girl. My biggest fear, though, is losing her as a friend.
I attempted to break up with her in July, but we ended up hooking up again and have been on and off for the past six months. It’s difficult because we both get very jealous when we see the other dating or flirting with other people.
We usually end up having makeup sex, and go right back to where we used to be-after being with someone for two years it’s kind of a habit. I want to have a good, clean break up. Is that possible? What is the best way for me to end this relationship? Am I just supposed to be heartless and not care about how she reacts?
~Frustrated and in Purgatory
A good, clean breakup, eh? You know when Britney Spears’ publicist issued a statement saying that her breakup with K-Fed was mutual, and that they ended things amiably and on good terms? Uh, yeah right. You’ve never been through this before, so let me clue you in on a little something: there’s no such thing as a “good” breakup. If there were, they’d call it something else.
That said, I think it’s important when ending a relationship that you do, in fact, end it. I know they say that makeup sex is always the best, but getting stuck in a vicious cycle of hooking up and making each other jealous is going to drive you nuts.
Now it’s time to actually make the break. The only way you’re ever going to get untangled from this mess of a relationship is by cutting all ties, at least for the time being. The only way either of you will be able to get over the other is if all contact comes to a complete halt. This means no phone calls, no texts, no instant messages, no obnoxious Facebook wall posts, and absolutely no nonverbal contact (i.e. sex). I know this probably sounds really sucky. That’s because it is.
I also know you don’t want to hurt this girl. As admirable as that sentiment is (and believe me, it’s appreciated), there’s really no way to end a relationship without at least one party feeling the pain. Be honest: explain your reasons for wanting to move on-they’re really quite logical, and very sane grounds for breaking up. If you don’t break up now, you’ll both regret it.
Here are some hints to help things along: if you know you’re going to get jealous seeing her with other guys, then put yourself in a position where you won’t be able to. Don’t look at her Facebook photos, and don’t compulsively check her away messages-in fact, it might be a good idea to take her off your buddy list for a while, or even *gasp* de-friend her. Avoid places you know she’ll probably be (for example, if TGI Friday’s is her permanent Tuesday night hangout, don’t go to Friday’s on Tuesday night).
The key is not to slip back into bad habits. Stay strong, and don’t forget your motivation: now get out there and play the field!
Best of Luck!
Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.