Dear V,

I ended a serious two-year relationship about ten months ago. Afterwards, I began to feel very sexually frustrated. I went from having incredible sex multiple times a day to having no physical contact with the opposite sex whatsoever. So, I began experimenting with various sex toys. The toys worked well-too well. Since I’ve started using them, I haven’t been able to find a guy that can satisfy me. I’ll start dating him, we’ll hook up once or twice, and I’ll find myself feeling totally unfulfilled. I end up ditching the boy, and going home to my vibrator. Is there something wrong with me? Should I just give up on finding a man that can please me?

-Addicted To Buzz

Dear Reader,

Ah, the vibrator. It doesn’t forget to call you, it won’t drunk dial you at 3:00am asking if it can come over, and it knows how to make your toes curl. Kind of sounds like the perfect man, huh? Not necessarily. As delightful as a vibrator can be, there’s just no substitute for good ol’ one-on-one human contact.

By no means am I decrying the benefits of the vibrator-on the contrary, I’m a huge advocate of women taking control of their own sex lives. Using sex toys to satisfy yourself is perfectly healthy (and it’s a whole lot safer than picking up some random guy). It’s commonly held in the medical community that masturbation can help to alleviate depression and stress. In fact, the electronically-powered vibrator was invented in the 1880s to treat women diagnosed with “hysteria.” In a 2006 survey, Durex found that 46% of women own vibrators. So using a pocket rocket to satisfy your urges is nothing new.

But before you began masturbating with sex toys, it sounds like you were able to orgasm without the use of any mechanical devices. What worries me is your lack of ability to do so now. It could be that the guys you’ve been seeing lately don’t know what’s up and what’s down. If that’s the case, a little sex-ed lesson couldn’t hurt (actually, it kind of sounds like fun). But maybe there’s nothing wrong with these guys’ skills in the bedroom.

After spending so much time taking care of your own sexual needs, your communication skills may be a little rusty. You’re so in tune with what floats your boat that you expect a man to know exactly what you want right off the bat. The getting-to-know-you stage can be the most pleasurable, exciting time in a budding relationship, and you shouldn’t get frustrated just because your boy doesn’t live up to your toys (yet).

Discovering how to push each other’s buttons is way more fun than letting your vibrator do the work (and you won’t run out of batteries).

The next time you start getting physical with a guy, why not try using your sex toys together? You’ll get the best of both worlds. If all else fails, you can always head to the produce aisle at your local grocery store. Cucumber, anyone? Just kidding.

Best of Luck!
V

Fact’o’the Day: In the Aztec culture, avocados were considered so sexually powerful that virgins were restricted from them.

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