what happens when our honeymoon phase ends?

Dear V,

I am in a relationship with a guy who is just as busy as I am. We used to make a lot of time for each other (i.e. SPEND ALL OF OUR TIME TOGETHER), but lately, things just seem so different, and I fear that our end may be in sight. Is this a realistic conclusion to think that our relationship is on its way to being over because we can’t make time for each other? We haven’t been together for all that long (only 6 months) but I thought that I could see a real future with this guy, and lately, I feel like I’m being ignored. Do you think that we are ending our “honeymoon” phase with one another? Is there even a point to being in a relationship when the honeymoon is over?

Too sensitive?

Dear Reader,

First of all, I think it’s very natural for those initial sparks you feel at the beginning of a romance-the butterflies in your stomach, the nightly four hour phone calls, that can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other feeling-to die down a bit. As exciting as that honeymoon period is, it’s also not very healthy to spend ALL your time with just one person (you don’t want to be the girl that lost all her friends because she ditched them when she got a boyfriend).

That said, there is a healthy balance that should be maintained in a relationship, and a drastic change in interaction can be very painful. But let me ask you this: Why is it that he’s ignoring you? Is it that he can’t make time for you, or won’t? Are you both super busy? Or is it possible that the intensity of your constant togetherness freaked him out? Often, college aged boys (and I’m speaking generally) get spooked when a relationship gets heavy so quickly.

The best way to find the answers to these questions is by talking to your boyfriend (shocking, I know). Explain that you’re feeling hurt by his inattentiveness, and ask him if he’s feeling smothered. Maybe he’ll say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong, apologize a thousand times for ignoring you, and buy you a dozen roses and a box of gourmet chocolates.

Maybe he’ll admit to being a little scared and unsure of where the relationship is headed. If that’s the case, perhaps you can compromise: you’ll agree to take the relationship down a notch, and he’ll make an effort to pay a little more attention to you.

A healthy balance is what you’re looking for here (which, alas, is easier said than done). Either way, I think you need to carefully examine whether or not it’s worth your time and energy (and feelings) to save this relationship.

Best of Luck!

Fact of the Day: 76% of women and only 53% of men say they would only have sex if they were in love their partner.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

February 20, 2007


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