Uncategorized

who doesn’t love a good stalker? this freshman doesn’t.

Dear V,

My boyfriend is obsessed with me. The problem is, he’s not my boyfriend anymore; I broke up with him in December. We dated for about four months, but there were just so many differences between us-he’s a traditional Chinese guy, I’m Caucasian; he’s a grad student, I’m a freshman-in the end, we just saw life differently. But he’s been calling me, e-mailing me, text messaging me, and IM-ing me nonstop (and I literally mean nonstop). He’s even shown up at my dorm room in the middle of the night. He says me he’s going to change, that he’ll be a better boyfriend. He actually told me that he would stop eating Chinese food for me! I don’t want him to stop eating Chinese food, I just want him to leave me alone! How do I let him down gently?

Sick of Being Stalked

Dear Reader,

Who doesn’t like a good stalking now and then to keep you on your toes? j/k, j/k. It sounds like your boyfriend is having some separation issues here, and it’s time for a serious wake up call. Assuming you were absolutely clear in your breakup with him last December (none of that “let’s take a break” business-if that’s the case, then you need to stop reading right now and go tell the poor boy that you were actually ending your relationship), it’s pretty unreasonable for him to be calling you 24/7 and showing up at your dorm room unannounced.

Have you called him out on this stalker-esque behavior yet? Is it possible that he’s not even aware of how creepy it is? In his defense, if he doesn’t know he’s doing anything wrong, then you can’t expect him to stop. (Unless he’s socially impaired, it’s unlikely, I know, but you can’t rule it out.) I would suggest that you tell him his behavior is inappropriate, and that you don’t want any sort of a romantic relationship with him. (In fact, at this point, it’s probably not a good idea for you to even try being friends-it will only encourage him more, and the boundary between friend and boyfriend can get a little blurry.)

You need to decide how much contact you feel comfortable with: would you prefer shutting him out completely? If so, you need to tell him. Going the -no-contact route is my recommendation, but if you feel the desire to try the whole friends thing, and you’re ok with keeping in touch, then you need to establish clear boundaries.

Calling you on a regular basis is not an ok thing for this guy to be doing. But how do you feel about e-mails, or text messaging? Tell him in clear and concise words what he can and cannot do, and that if he oversteps the boundaries, you’ll have to cut off contact cold turkey.

If all else fails, block his e-mails and instant messages, and erase his number from your phone. Worst comes to worst, you can always contact the proper authorities and alert them to his behavior. If you truly feel unsafe, you can always talk to your RA and Residential Coordinator. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

Best of Luck!
V

Fact’o’the Day: Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England-but only in tropical fish stores (naturally!).

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

February 16, 2007

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

A six-pack of Hurricanes notes on a Thursday evening: ▪ UM coach Mark Richt has explained his decisi ...

The Miami Hurricanes had traveled half the field to start the second half when coach Mark Richt enco ...

Jeremiah Payton was one of those prospects the Miami Hurricanes coveted from just about the time he ...

The Miami Hurricanes’ secondary continues to get stronger. Miami, which already holds a pair of comm ...

Mark Richt said he’s spending the bye week evaluating everything about Miami’s offense, a process th ...

University of Miami changes program title of Women’s and Gender Studies to Gender and Sexuality Stud ...

Two families with deep ties to Miami—the Millers and Fains— celebrate two endowed faculty chair appo ...

A fabulous team of staff and volunteers labors long and hard, primed with school spirit, behind the ...

The University of Miami remembers alumnus Erik Hauri—the man who discovered water on the moon. ...

Through an innovative program, Miami Law students are empowering local high schoolers to think like ...

University of Miami head coach Gino DiMare released the Hurricanes' 2019 baseball schedule Thur ...

Senior Dew Weber of the University of Miami golf team continued to march towards her professional go ...

The University of Miami soccer team dropped its ACC road match against NC State, 1-0, Thursday night ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team will take part in the ITA Southeast Regional Champion ...

The University of Miami women's swimming & diving team returns to competition this weekend, ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.