Uncategorized

who doesn’t love a good stalker? this freshman doesn’t.

Dear V,

My boyfriend is obsessed with me. The problem is, he’s not my boyfriend anymore; I broke up with him in December. We dated for about four months, but there were just so many differences between us-he’s a traditional Chinese guy, I’m Caucasian; he’s a grad student, I’m a freshman-in the end, we just saw life differently. But he’s been calling me, e-mailing me, text messaging me, and IM-ing me nonstop (and I literally mean nonstop). He’s even shown up at my dorm room in the middle of the night. He says me he’s going to change, that he’ll be a better boyfriend. He actually told me that he would stop eating Chinese food for me! I don’t want him to stop eating Chinese food, I just want him to leave me alone! How do I let him down gently?

Sick of Being Stalked

Dear Reader,

Who doesn’t like a good stalking now and then to keep you on your toes? j/k, j/k. It sounds like your boyfriend is having some separation issues here, and it’s time for a serious wake up call. Assuming you were absolutely clear in your breakup with him last December (none of that “let’s take a break” business-if that’s the case, then you need to stop reading right now and go tell the poor boy that you were actually ending your relationship), it’s pretty unreasonable for him to be calling you 24/7 and showing up at your dorm room unannounced.

Have you called him out on this stalker-esque behavior yet? Is it possible that he’s not even aware of how creepy it is? In his defense, if he doesn’t know he’s doing anything wrong, then you can’t expect him to stop. (Unless he’s socially impaired, it’s unlikely, I know, but you can’t rule it out.) I would suggest that you tell him his behavior is inappropriate, and that you don’t want any sort of a romantic relationship with him. (In fact, at this point, it’s probably not a good idea for you to even try being friends-it will only encourage him more, and the boundary between friend and boyfriend can get a little blurry.)

You need to decide how much contact you feel comfortable with: would you prefer shutting him out completely? If so, you need to tell him. Going the -no-contact route is my recommendation, but if you feel the desire to try the whole friends thing, and you’re ok with keeping in touch, then you need to establish clear boundaries.

Calling you on a regular basis is not an ok thing for this guy to be doing. But how do you feel about e-mails, or text messaging? Tell him in clear and concise words what he can and cannot do, and that if he oversteps the boundaries, you’ll have to cut off contact cold turkey.

If all else fails, block his e-mails and instant messages, and erase his number from your phone. Worst comes to worst, you can always contact the proper authorities and alert them to his behavior. If you truly feel unsafe, you can always talk to your RA and Residential Coordinator. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

Best of Luck!
V

Fact’o’the Day: Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England-but only in tropical fish stores (naturally!).

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

February 16, 2007

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Fredrick Eaford was quick to make it clear the Miami Hurricanes were his dream team to commit to. Af ...

Linebacker might be the most important position for the Miami Hurricanes to recruit in the Class of ...

Issiah Walker Jr. won’t be at Paradise Camp on Saturday. Instead of attending the Miami Hurricanes’ ...

June is a huge recruiting month for the Miami Hurricanes. It concludes with Paradise Camp on June 22 ...

The University of Miami showed women’s basketball coach Katie Meier how much it appreciates her on F ...

Evo Morales, first elected president of Bolivia in 2005, and could win an unprecedented fourth term ...

The University of Miami Black Alumni Society is hosting a number of Juneteenth events around the cou ...

The University of Miami Rosenstiel School’s Rescue a Reef program teams up with the NFL and others t ...

The Frost Chopin Festival and Academy at the University of Miami provides unparalleled experiences f ...

The Emmy Award-winning journalist, who grew up in Miami and started her career in Spanish language t ...

The Miami women's basketball team will face Indiana at the Watsco Center in the 2019 Big Ten/AC ...

The University of Miami volleyball program is set to host the Hurricane Invitational and nine ACC ho ...

Games will be contested July 3-14 in Naples, Italy. ...

University of Miami Director of Athletics Blake James announced Friday a contract extension for head ...

Adrian Del Castillo garnered his second Freshman All-America honor of the year, appearing on the Per ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.