“Gay” Facebook pranks

The scene is hardly unfamiliar. You accidentally left your Facebook signed in, and your boy is now using the computer. Much to his delight, he has complete and unadulterated access to all that is your Facebook. A world of mischief lies at his fingertips. He can message that girl you like and say something really loser. Or he could make you “very conservative” and list “Left Behind” as your favorite book.

But we all know none of that is going to happen. He is going to do the same thing that everyone’s boy does when they get on someone else’s Facebook. He is going to make you interested in men. We all know it doesn’t stop there. Advanced Search: Sex: Male. Interested In: Men. Add to friends.

Oh man, he got you good. Now everyone thinks you’re gay. Not only that, but now you are friends with all the gays on Facebook. That’s like the worst thing ever! That’s the ultimate insult! No girl will ever bed you again! By the time you find out, it’ll be too late! Your boy got you real good.

Are you serious? The point is not whether this is funny (it’s not). Different people have different senses of humor. Hell, some people even thought “Epic Movie” was funny. Maybe you and your boy thought making you a gay is a roaring good time, but I’m sick of it. I’m not stupid, I know what’s going on, and I’m not two-dimensional. If you think that I’m going to fall for this crap and help you humiliate your signed-in friend, you’ve got another thing coming.

I refuse to be the punch line of your best impression of Ashton Kutcher. Don’t try to turn something that’s awesome about me (gay) into something with which you punk your friend. No matter how much you put gay down, I will never be ashamed.

I guess I’m revealing my hand here by offering a glimpse inside the radical homosexual agenda, which comprises solely of people asking to be judged by the content of their character rather than to whom they are sexually attracted. Basic human respect seems like such a simple request and when put in the literal context, is something that should inarguably be afforded to every member of the human race.

What if, however, this “respect” thing means you can’t use homophobia as the set up and the gays on campus as the crux of a prank? What if basic human respect even meant speaking up when you hear someone call something that sucks “gay?” In the practical sense, is it so easily affordable? Of course it’s not easy. Make your mama proud and do it anyway.

Since the obvious moral of respecting a fellow ‘Cane might fall on deaf ears and since I probably won’t be able to convince some of you that, no, changing your friend’s orientation to gay really isn’t funny, let’s try for a simpler point: logout of your Facebook before you let your jackass friends use your computer.

Chris Fisher is a senior majoring in motion pictures and political science. He can be contacted on Facebook or at c.fisher2@umiami.edu. “Gay” is not a synonym for “stupid”.