Dear V,
In the last few months, I’ve been doing the whole “friends with benefits” thing with a pretty good friend of mine. At first I thought things were going great-we would hook up occasionally, while still keeping our friendship (or so I thought).
In the past few weeks, though, we haven’t seen each other at all. We haven’t even talked unless it’s through text messaging or instant messenger! Looking back, I guess I can see that our friendship has been on the decline since we started hooking up.
I would definitely like to be more than friends with this guy, but I do value our friendship, and at the very least want him as a friend.
Does he like me? Do I even have a chance? Or is it too late to fix this relationship? Please help!
The Friend?
Dear Reader,
Repeat after me: friends with benefits never works. There are so many reasons not to get stuck in that maddening limbo between being friends and being in a relationship that I won’t even get into them all. I’m sure you’ve heard, though, that one person inevitably starts to like the other person more, and by that point it’s usually too late even to stay friends (um, can we say awkward?).
That said, if it’s truly worth it to you, it’s never too late to try to salvage a friendship. As uncomfortable as it may be, the best way to save your friendship with this guy is to suck it up and talk to him, preferably in person-no instant messaging, no facebooking, and absolutely NO text messaging *ahem* (all you Sidekick addicts out there take note).
If his friendship is what you value most, I’d also recommend forgetting the romance-it will only complicate the problem. Explain to him that you don’t want to lose him as a friend, and that you realize that in hooking up with him, you jeopardized any chance you had at a future friendship.
Still, it’s a two-way street, and he’s just as guilty as you are in taking that risky jump into hookup land. He knew the consequences, too. Ask him where he stands, and how he feels about your friendship/friends with benefits situation. Is it worth it to him to put in the time and effort it’s going to take to stay friends with you? Is it worth the time and effort for you?
Hopefully talking to your friend will clear the air between you, and you can start to rebuild the foundations of your friendship (which, I hate to say, probably won’t be too easy).
If you find that he’s unresponsive or unwilling to make the effort to stay friends with you, then he’s not worth your time anyway.
Best of Luck!
V
Fact’o’the Day: For every “normal” website on the internet, there are five porn sites.
Please send probing inquires to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in the offoce of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.