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lock up your vibrators, girls!

Dear V,

Where do I begin? I’ve always considered myself a regular guy-I drink, party, play football…but I have a big problem. I think I’m addicted to my girlfriend’s vibrator.

I always knew my girlfriend was a freak, but I had no idea how kinky she really was. She was always really big into sex toys which was fine because I didn’t mind using them on her. But then one day she insisted on using one on me, telling me it would feel great. I gave in, and next thing I know we’re pulling out the toy every time we do it.

Now I can’t get off without it. I can’t even finish when I get a BJ unless she uses it on me…Am I the only one who likes this? Is it just a phase? Am I gay?

Dear Reader,

Or should I address you as freaky freak? Just kidding! Anyway, about your rather large issue, do not be alarmed. No, you are not the only guy who likes this and no, Captain Homophobe, you are not gay. Now, if you liked to use the vibrator with a close guy friend, then your sexuality might be of issue.

Anyways, I’m sure that your darling girlfriend got this kinky idea from one of the various magazines targeted towards women between the ages of 18 and 35 that insists on the lead “Seven Hundred Million Ways to Please your Man” on the cover of every single issue it puts out.

You are not a weirdo. I could not be surer that there are many wholesome, goal-oriented, conservative boys from good homes who have played around in even stranger ways than you. Jesus, using a vibrator is pretty tame compared to bondage, soliciting sex from a prosti or even sleeping around! Likewise, the “you must be really strange if you use a sex toy” stigma is a little hypocritical. It’s perfectly normal to explore in a healthy manner.

However, trouble is brewing if you cannot achieve orgasm without using her vibrator. Your little addiction might cause an emotional rift in your relationship with your girlfriend if she begins to feel inadequate compared to her vibrator. So, might I suggest chucking the sex toys for the moment in order to crack the habit. Obviously, if things refuse to return back to normal after a few weeks of vibrator abstention, then it’s time to seek out professional help. A sex therapist will be well trained in the art of helping you ax your pleasurable and emotional ties to the vibrator so that you can perform well on your own.

Best of luck!

V.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

This Dear V originally ran on October 11, 2005.

January 30, 2007

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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