Any avid watcher of “Sex in the City” knows what I’m talking about when I say, “He’s just not that into you.” From that episode, a near pop cultural phenomenon has sprung – such as books, episodes of “Oprah” and the phrase’s mastermind, Greg Behrendt, getting his own talk show. When I listen to the radio, I often think that the Pussycat Dolls should pay Mr. Behrendt a visit, and I will explain why.
Even though it’s only six words long, the phrase, “He’s just not that into you,” has revolutionized the way women, and possibly men, approach rejection in relationships. In reality, it is a very unclear and arbitrary explanation, but it makes moving on from someone who is not reciprocating much easier. Gone are the days of, “What’s wrong with me?” We can now embrace the idea that it is not a personal slight so much as it is an issue with incompatibility. I cannot accept that there is something inherently wrong with me. However, I can accept that he’s just not that into me.
This brings me to my next point. Haven’t the Pussycat Dolls ever heard of this? In their song “Buttons,” the lead singer talks about a guy not putting the moves on her when she is inviting it. She straight tells the guy to take her shirt off. In my opinion, if a guy is interested, a woman needs not sing a song to persuade him to get her naked. With lines like, “You say all the right things all night long/But I can’t seem to get you over here to help take this off,” someone needs to line these ladies up and slap them all in the face while screaming, “He’s just not that into you!”
Some might argue that there is an intimidation factor involved. I would counter this point by saying that the lead singer makes it painfully clear that rejection is not an option. The lyrics make me wonder if I should be embarrassed for her because she is so blatantly putting herself out there or if I should be jealous because she has the balls to. I also wonder if I could get a discount on the book by buying it in bulk to send each individual member of the band a copy.
Perhaps you are thinking that I am a mere hater, considering the Pussycat Dolls are all impossibly beautiful and maybe on some level believing that a guy might not be interested in them helps me cope with my own feelings of inadequacy. You would be wrong. I am simply a firm believer in the idea that he is just not that into you no matter the circumstances, including but not limited to impossible beauty, if he fails to respond to advances. So remember, if you have to tell him to “loosen up your buttons,” move on because if he was that into you, your clothes would have looked much better on the bedroom floor.
Alicia Montalvo is a graduate student concentrating in sports medicine. She may be contacted at a.montalvo@umiami.edu.