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Dear V

Dear V,

I have finally, after all of these years, met a guy that I am really, really interested in! He’s been here for a long time, and so have I, but our paths just managed to cross last week! He works, and he actually took me out on a real date. I was nearly shocked! There was dinner, and there were drinks, and he picked me up from my house, and it was all just totally amazing. The only dates I have ever been on involve me stopping by someone’s bedroom on a consistent basis. I’m no prude, but when he went in for the kiss, I resisted because I don’t really know this guy well, and I think that I might want something a little more serious with him. The thing is, now I don’t know if I did the right thing because when our date ended, I gave him a peck on the cheek, but I don’t know if that was enough to show my interest. I really wanted to call him after the date to let him know that I had a great time, but my roommate thought that was a bad idea, so I didn’t. He mentioned something about getting dinner in the near future, which, of course, I really want to do, but I don’t know if I should be the one initiating. What do you think?

Finally, it’s happened to me!

Dear Reader,

I agree with your roommate on this one: not making the after-date phone call was the right choice. The real world dating philosophies and rules (the three-day rule, the no-sex-on-the-first-date rule) that have been adhered to by many were set in place because they seem to work for the majority of people. I don’t know if people stick to these rules because then they will probably know what’s coming (nobody likes surprises when their emotions are on the line!) or because it’s traditional protocol to do so, but they’re fairly reliable tools that mask initial courtship anxieties and jitters; everybody wants to play it cool because who wants to date a slobbering, nervous wreck? Exactly.

The more heartbreak that I seem to put behind me, the more I realize that there just may be some truth to books that promote a female’s passive behavior in the dating game. Put up a little bit of a challenge, play a little hard to get, but not too hard! As one highly desired friend of mine puts it, one should never be too accessible, because what fun is that for anyone? Why would you, femme fatale, want to do the chasing? What self- respecting guy (the kinds you want to date!) wants to be hounded down by the object of his desire? There’s absolutely no appeal. Unless you happen to be struck by Cupid’s arrow or are just that hot of a catch, much of lust and love is based upon the principle of scarcity-the less around you are, the more desired and valuable you will be. Though the next few days will be agony, lay low and resist your urge to call the greatest guy in the world, unless that is, you’re only looking for those kinds of dates that start and end in the bedroom.

Best of luck!

V.

Fact o’ the Day.A survey conducted by Cosmopolitan magazine found that 76 percent of men surveyed would not date again any woman with whom they had sex on the first date.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.

April 25, 2006

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.