I am having major guy problems. I really, really like this guy, and we’ve been hooking up for a while, but our status hasn’t changed into anything official. I really want a relationship with him, but I am so sick and tired of playing these games! One day, he’ll be all about me, and the next day he’ll treat me like garbage, or worse, ignore me! The best part about it is that on days when he ignores me, he’ll call me up later to hook up and I can’t help but head over to his place because I have become really emotionally involved. I’ve tried to talk with him about this, but it’s usually not successful. I really thought that this would turn into something significant, but it’s already March, and we’re still doing the same old thing. I can’t take this anymore.
You’re right about one thing: you cannot continue to let yourself be treated so poorly by this scumbag. It’s pretty ridiculous, but by always being around for him you are very much giving him the permission to toy with you. It’s no secret that you actually control the manner in which others treat you. If you let someone walk all over you, it’s pretty likely that he will do so.
The worst part about the whole situation is this “will he or won’t he” game. What sucks so much about it for you is that it’s unlikely that he’s gotten himself involved emotionally in this affair, whereas I’m pretty positive that you’ve become an emotional wreck over him, and specifically over whether or not you’re going to get your nightly phone call. Feels really good to be a pawn, doesn’t it?
In my opinion, you are the only one with the power to end things-that is, if you want to end things. I tend to believe that not getting what you want only makes you crave it more, so really the fact that he gives you just enough to keep you interested and then ignores you is probably actually more of a turn-on than a turn-off for you; he knows this. Your little mess thrives not only on his confusing signals, but also on your willingness to interpret his signals with the kind of skewed point of view that screams “he likes me if he calls me!” Unfortunately, I don’t think that any kind of long term relationship with this guy is in the works. If it were, it would have probably already happened.
If you are ready to end things and regain your self-respect, then stop giving him the time of day. It might be really hard at first, but when he calls, run for the hills or just don’t pick up. He will get the message. Though it will be hard to pick up the shattered pieces of “what might have been” because you let yourself become emotionally involved, the reality is that this guy is not going to give you what you want-a relationship-but will keep stringing you along because you let him. You and I both know that you deserve someone who will call you night AND day.
Best of luck!
Fact o’ the Day.In a romantic partner, a heterosexual man will generally prefer that she be 4.5 inches shorter than he is, whereas a heterosexual woman will tend to prefer a partner who is approximately six inches taller.
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V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.