With Valentine’s season in our midst, there is no doubt that all are concerned with the ultimate question: Valentine or no Valentine?
It is true that we all need love and attention. Relationships are a necessary aspect of life. We all want to feel wanted and warm with the feeling that someone cares about us and wants to be with us, cuddling and spending time with us. We like to have someone to be our one thought throughout our idle and not-so-idle days. It seems we are constantly on the lookout to find someone to fill that spot of our undying attention and love.
But maybe it would be good to consider the idea that being without a “someone” is not so bad and could be a personal choice. Some of the negative ideas or myths about singledom should be reconsidered and reevaluated.
Sasha Cagen wrote Quirkyalone: A manifesto for the undying romantic, in which she discusses the phenomenon of women and men who are still single and can’t seem to find their way into relationships. She emphasizes that there isn’t something wrong with not being with someone. In essence, it is possible that quirkyalones don’t want to settle for a silly “just for kicks” relationship or for the sake of not being alone. They are “looking for a miracle,” she says. “Out of millions, we have to find the one who will understand.”
It doesn’t seem so far-fetched, this idea of quirkyalones. Many of us out there aren’t in a relationship, but not because we can’t manage to have them. It isn’t that quirkyalones are incapable of relationships or that there is something wrong with them. As the definition itself states, the quirkyalone is “a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than date for the sake of being in a couple.”
So, in the spirit of love and celebration, don’t put yourself down or be frustrated at your lack of a Valentine, but instead, as Cagen says, “have significant others” and enjoy your friends and the ability to be open to all the possibilities.
Pamper yourself today, buy yourself some chocolate, and give yourself a Valentine’s Day card. It’s not a day to feel bad about your single self, but to reaffirm your choice to be that way. You are worth waiting ’til something “right” comes along. Today, enjoy your multiple Valentine friends.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Happy Quirkyalone Day!
Bernardita Yunis is a sophomore majoring in communication studies and international studies. She can be contacted at b.yunis@umiami.edu.