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Dear V – A girlfriend’s reluctance may be a sign of a rebound relationship

Dear V,

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a little over three months and things are good. Unfortunately, we started dating a week after she broke up with her old boyfriend of three-and-a-half years! She’s sensitive to everything I say now, and I’m beginning to wonder if she’s over him at all. We talk all the time and she says that she wants to start having more space but she always wants me around! Will things last? Can she be emotionally available to me while she’s trying to sort out her own issues with her ex? Help!

What’s the deal

Dear Reader,

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. There are a few different scenarios that could perhaps explain just why you and your girlfriend seem to be having so many issues. I’ll let you down easy first: Maybe your girlfriend just really needs some space! The first few months of a new relationship are typically known as the infatuation phase. Undoubtedly, for the past three months you and your girlfriend have been inseparable, tied at the hip, nibbling one another’s ears off, blah, blah, blah. That’s all nice and lovely, but perhaps the reality of the daily grind has set in for her, and her infatuation has worn off. Don’t worry, this is very normal, though it is quite obvious that you are having a harder time adjusting to this new phase. It’s all about prioritizing the relationship while incorporating it into the rest of your life as opposed to solely engrossing yourself in it. Relationships do take work, don’t kid yourself. Furthermore, I think that it’s a little presumptuous on your part to assume that the reason she needs space is because she is not over her ex. Is it not possible that work, school, and life stress her out, and that she needs to sort out her mind? Perhaps you should try asking her what is wrong before stirring up your own insecurities.

On the other hand-and this is where the you-know-what might hit the fan-I do find it a tad suspicious that the two of you jumped into a serious relationship only a week after she broke up with her long-term boyfriend. It’s very possible that she’s the kind of person who functions best within a relationship. However, it’s just as likely that you might be (and, I really hate to break this to you) her rebound. Likewise, I find it difficult to believe that a week would be enough time to digest a three-and-a-half-year relationship, but maybe that’s just me. Might I suggest that you two sit down and have a serious conversation about the direction of the relationship before you work yourself into a tizzy? Oh yeah, one last word to the wise, don’t hound your girlfriend to have this serious talk-let her come around.

Best of luck!

V.

Fact O’ the Day.The average man sees about five women a day that he would sleep with, though only 15 percent of men claim that looks are the most important quality in a woman.hmm.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

V. is a senior majoring in psychology and creative writing.

February 3, 2006

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.