Dear V,
I am rather perplexed as to what to do about some problems that I am having with one of my friends. She has been having some life issues and I really seem to be overcome with an inability to handle them. Without specifically saying what is wrong, I have been so conflicted and been feeling rather guilty when I hang out with other friends while knowing that she is obviously upset about fighting with her boyfriend, her classes or how she is so stressed. Do you have any suggestions about how I can overcome my sudden resentment about solving her life issues that I have already advised her about?
Best,
Forlorn Friend
Dear Reader,
I hope that you see the delicious irony in asking an advice columnist about being resentful towards solving others’ issues. Basically, it sounds like you are an excellently loyal and true friend who tackles her friend’s issues as if they were your own. You are the rare friend who goes above and beyond her call of duty because you actually do care about your friends’ welfare. However, there is nothing in the Friendship Constitution that mandates your service as life counselor, psychiatrist and mom all rolled into one. You have a life to maintain too, sweetheart!
Ten years ago, it was far easier to pour one’s self into childhood and adolescent friendships simply because there was nothing better to do, and because life just wasn’t as complicated than as it is today as a young adult; yesterday’s all encompassing friendships have grown up into today’s romantic relationships-primary support systems. Demanding friendships are pass