On matters of unbridled annoyance

I was pondering what annoys me the other day and decided I’d think about it on paper. In that spirit of reflection, I’m never too shameless to abscond with someone else’s great idea, so with a great big hat tip to David Letterman, here are the top 10 things I find annoying:

10. Those who render excessive commentary in class: OK we get it, you did the reading. Good for you. Now go home and get your shine box.

9. Flip flopping with your iPod: Who cares about the annoying noise flip-flops make, you can’t hear it; you’re plugged into your own portable Matrix. And look -you’ve got an iPod. I bow to your greatness.

8. People who wear flip-flops and then play with their toes in public: You’re nasty.

7. Men who wear pink-: Pink is a girls color. What, did you think white made you look fat?

6. People who think Condeleeza Rice is going to run for president-get a job-it isn’t going to happen, she doesn’t have the charisma for a national campaign. Plus, she doesn’t want to be president.

5. People who panic if they think they might miss the elevator: We don’t need to fit 20 bodies in there because you can’t wait 30 seconds for the next elevator. This isn’t the Tokyo subway.

4. People who think everyone wants to be involved in their cell phone conversation: You already disturbed the peace with your annoying ring tone. Now we must listen to your inability to master the spoken English language. “Like omigod, I know.”

3. The Super-Involved Student: Please go get drunk or something.

2. Whining about the UNICCO workers: It’s a tough job and they get paid crap. But nobody’s forcing them to keep working for UNICCO if it sucks so bad. Take it from this former Sanitation Worker (yes, I used to be a garbage man-back of the truck, maggots and all that… $75 for a 12-hour day), you do what you have to do. That doesn’t make you a saint; it makes you realistic. Those of you that complain about UNICCO all the time should stop acting like you’re not just as exploitative as those you condemn.

1: That guy that walks across campus singing at the top of his lungs: Dude, you have no tone, you have no rhythm, and you sing like a dying goose. We get it; you want everyone to see that you’re here. Now go home and get your shine box.

Scott Wacholtz can be contacted at s.wacholtz@umiami.edu.