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Innocent sleepovers incite mom guilt trips. What’s a good girl to do?

Dear V,

My roommate and I get along well; she has no problem with my boyfriend sleeping over. I am a virgin, and he is too, so there is nothing going on and that’s not going to change anytime soon because we believe in waiting until marriage (not because the Bible encourages it; we just feel that way).

The problem is my mother. She found out about it, and being as conservative and religious as she is, made a huge fuss. She says that I am being a disgrace and I am damaging my reputation as well as hers. I say that I am a responsible adult able to make my own decisions and that she should accept them. To keep the peace, though, I’ve told her that he’s not staying over anymore even though he is. Should I come clean and tell her the truth or is it OK to keep lying to her?

Had it with my mother

Dear Reader,

Kind of sucks leading a duplicitous double life doesn’t it? When my friends and I were still in high school, we used to refer to ourselves as living in a web of lies and/or sin, and in one way or another, most of us still do; no one wants their parents to know about the “seedier parts” of their lives. In fact, I don’t think that I know of anyone who hasn’t lied to their parents about alcohol, significant others, cigarettes, drugs, porn, etc., etc. at one point or another on the way to adulthood.

I’m usually a staunch “honesty is the best policy” advocate, but I don’t know how likely I would be to take my stance in your situation. Basically, the way I see it, you have two options, each with respective consequences. If you do choose to admit that you’re living in virginal sin (and even then, you would have to invent a cover-up lie to make up for the period of time that you misled her into thinking that your boyfriend wasn’t sleeping over), you will undoubtedly be the brunt of much of her hurtful and completely unnecessary criticism regarding your choices. You might try and work her source of frustration with your sleeping arrangements into the argument: is she worried that sleeping together with actually lead to sex/getting pregnant/ STDs, or is she concerned about how your actions reflect the quality of her parenting skills? And, if it’s the latter, tough, you are an “almost” adult. However, on the flip side, you will not only get what you want but will also prove to her that you are indeed old enough to start making some decisions on your own regardless of her input, which is an ongoing struggle. Believe me!

If you choose to lie, you’ll be in the clear. However, if you have a guilty conscience, you will probably be far worse off than you would have been if you had just flat out told her the truth. If she’s into guilt-tripping (and it sounds like she is, no offense) she’ll ensnare you with a betrayal speech and God knows what else! Parents punish their kids for a ridiculous and unwarranted amount of things.

Best of luck!

V.

Fact O’ the Day…An American urologist purchased Napoleon’s penis for $40,000.

Please send probing inquiries to DearV@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

October 18, 2005

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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