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Vibrator lover not whom you would expect

Dear V,

Where do I begin? I’ve always considered myself a regular guy-I drink, party, play football…but I have a big problem. I think I’m addicted to my girlfriend’s vibrator.

I always knew my girlfriend was a freak, but I had no idea how kinky she really was. She was always really big into sex toys which was fine because I didn’t mind using them on her. But then one day she insisted on using one on me, telling me it would feel great and that her ex let her do it to him. I gave in, and next thing I know we’re pulling out the toy every time we do it.

I know this isn’t normal. I haven’t always been like this. I’ve always been on the timid side sexually, so this is really freaking me out.

Now I can’t get off without it. I can’t even finish when I get a BJ unless she uses it on me…

Am I the only one who likes this? Is it just a phase? Am I gay?

Thanks,

Addicted and anxious

Dear Reader,

Or should I address you as freaky freak? Just kidding! Anyway, about your rather large issue, do not be alarmed. No, you are not the only guy who likes this and no, Captain Homophobe, you are not gay. Now, if you liked to use the vibrator with a close guy friend, then your sexuality might be of issue.

Anyways, I’m sure that your darling girlfriend got this kinky idea from one of the various magazines targeted towards women between the ages of 18 and 35 that insists on the lead “Seven Hundred Million Ways to Please your Man” on the cover of every single issue it puts out. So no, the chances that you are the only man in the world to have ever used his girlfriend’s vibrator to get off are as good as VTech’s odds are of losing to the ‘Canes in a few weeks. You are not a weirdo. I could not be surer that there are many wholesome, goal-oriented, conservative boys from good homes who have played around in even stranger ways than you. Jesus, using a vibrator is pretty tame compared to bondage, soliciting sex from a prosti or even sleeping around! Likewise, the “you must be really strange if you use a sex toy” stigma is a little hypocritical. It’s perfectly normal to explore in a healthy manner.

However, trouble is brewing if you cannot achieve orgasm without using her vibrator. Most importantly, your little addiction might cause an emotional rift in your relationship with your girlfriend if she begins to feel inadequate compared to her vibrator. Obviously, this is a very possible worst-case scenario. So, might I suggest chucking the sex toys for the moment in order to crack the habit before your sex life spirals into uncontrollable depths. Obviously, if things refuse to return back to normal after a few weeks of vibrator abstention, then it’s time to seek out professional help. A sex therapist will be well trained in the art of helping you ax your pleasurable and emotional ties to the vibrator so that you can perform well on your own.

Best of luck!

V.

Fact O’ the Day…The thrice married Marilyn Monroe, undoubtedly the most celebrated sex icon of the 20th century, confessed to a friend before her death that she had never had an orgasm.

Please send probing inquiries to dearv@hotmail.com or drop V a line in her box in the office of The Hurricane. All questions and comments will remain anonymous.

October 11, 2005

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.