I have a comment on your response to “Inappropriate Booty Call” in your last column. You advised the reader that “you must point out that you are definitely allowed to bring back whomever you please to the room because it is just as much yours as it is hers.”
Based on the wording of the reader’s inquiry, it seems probable that she is living in on-campus housing for the first time. Although her actions may seem routine in today’s college life, there are rules on campus. According to University of Miami housing, overnight guests in the dorms are prohibited unless approved by a Resident Advisor or your roommate. Thus, although two people have an equal “claim” to a dorm room, permission must be granted to house overnight guests.
You also said in defense of the reader that she endures her roommate’s prayer recitation. This was an assuming comment, as it was never mentioned in the reader’s inquiry. Not all religious people choose to recite prayers aloud, or in the company of others. If the reader is uncomfortable with her roommate’s religious actions, she has any and all right to express her feelings of discomfort.
I think that the message that should have been conveyed to the reader would be one of respect. Living with someone, on campus or off, requires a large amount of mutual patience and respect, which is a lesson to convey to all students.
Thank you for your concern. Admittedly, I am not intimate with UM’s stipulations regarding overnight guests. Furthermore, I am quite sure that alcohol is not allowed into the dorms (unless one is of age), and that destroying furniture and putting holes into the walls are also not allowed.
Bottom line: regardless of the rules, it’s going to happen. Have you ever surpassed the speed limit while driving? Of course, every action has a consequence.The rules are obviously not meant to be broken, but they are bent over and over again.
You are very correct that living with someone cannot be done successfully without mutual respect and patience for one another. Ideally, all roommates would ask permission before inviting a guest over. But, how often does that happen? It’s not as if people don’t realize that the polite way to not cause a war would entail asking their roommate. But, if you add some alcohol (which is nearly always a factor) to a lethal mixture of hormones, I bet that the idea of a phone call to the roomie is going to fly out the door. You can drill respect into someone’s head forever, but no one is going to be respectful all of the time in every single situation that one encounters. I’m sorry, but we do not live in Pleasantville and, to generalize, a lot of people have seriously selfish motivations behind their actions, especially while drunk.
The practicality of my advice is of primary concern, and though it’s tempting to picture the ideal and believe that it’s actually going to occur, there is no guarantee whatsoever. I never, ever forget that I am writing to human beings. And, no, I am not a misanthrope.
Fact O’ the Day…According to Kinsey, about one in every 1,250 men is able to ejaculate by concentrating on a sexual fantasy alone, i.e. without jerking off.
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