“No thanks, I already gave money to hurricane relief.” “Sorry, I already have a subscription to the Herald.” “Jeez, I don’t want to buy donuts!” “What’s this gypsy clothing store?” “No, I don’t want to give your frat money!”
Ever feel like walking down the Breezeway is like walking through Nassau coming off a cruise ship? Every foot of walked distance results in at least 10.38 people hitting you up for money one way or another. I spend much of my time in the I-Lounge, so I have to walk through that Mexican flea market several times a day, and each time I am heckled by all the people with their stands, and even at times outright insulted for not donating, taking action, caring or making eye contact with them (if you make eye contact, they think you care or are interested). We don’t want that to happen. It’s like bad advertising: If you want it to go away just don’t look.
Now I know what you’re going to say: “Oh my God, Jovanni, I’ve read all your other stuff, but this takes the cake! You’re such an arrogant, self-centered jerk! How can you say these things, those people are there for a good cause! I have a stand that saves whales, the handicapped, buffaloes, migrant workers, heathens, the everglades and Republicans in our conservative safe space!”
But it’s not only the student organization stands-we now have a veritable caravan of gypsy merchandise for sale, with anything you need, from gaudy jewelry to fantastically ugly shoes that look like a third-grade art project. “Look, Ma! I can glue glitter!” One of my favorites is the frat with the water bottles whose shirts say “The Elite.” Do I have to get into why I think that’s ridiculous? I’ll save it for Homecoming time. As I walked by them, they insulted me, called me a wuss, a coward and then told the girl I was walking with that I was a cheapskate and should leave me for one of them. Their tact makes me want to kick kittens.
Not only is the heckling and badgering annoying, but it also causes congestion in the Breezeway itself because with the constant line of tables on both sides, the hundreds, if not thousands, of students who walk that area are confined to four millimeters of space, making me have to execute samurai-ninja maneuvers to get to the elevator.
I know the people are doing supposed good things, and I commend them for their efforts at supposed altruistic endeavors, but come on, keep it at a minimum, and at least show some tact when asking for other people’s hard-earned money, or since this is UM, people’s parents’ hard-earned money. Then hopefully the Breezeway will be a pleasant place during lunchtime.
Before sending me hate mail, show this article to your English professor and ask him what my point is. Because if anyone sends me hate mail and totally misses the point, they will receive 20 pages of random words that Adam West likes to use. Much love.
Jovanni Bello can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.