I don’t know how many guys actually write to you in your column, but I figure I’d give it a try anyway, especially since I’d like a female perspective on my problem.
Here’s the deal: in about mid-July I started talking to this girl I met on myspace.com. I was a little cynical at first about the whole online dating thing, but I was pleasantly surprised. The first time we talked on the phone, it was for more than seven hours, and subsequent times we talked into the wee hours of the mornings! We had/have tons of stuff in common and I connect with her on so many levels. We went out as “friends” for about a month, and then in about mid to late August, we started dating. Everything was fine until one day she apparently saw that things with us were becoming pretty serious, pretty quickly…through no fault of our own. She proceeded to tell me that she couldn’t get into a relationship with me at this time. It all stemmed back to the fact that she had just gotten out of a long-term relationship in May, in which her boyfriend had cheated on her.
While I do understand that she might need her space, why would she proceed to go out with me romantically if that was the case, only to tell me later that she can’t be with me? I really, really like this girl, and though I am particularly inexperienced in relationships, I do feel a strong connection, and don’t want to “let her go” so to speak just because the timing is pretty crappy right now. I find myself thinking about her a lot and it hurts that I can’t do something more constructive to help her overcome her trust issues. Furthermore, I know that she has strong feelings for me as well, therefore the only thing keeping us apart is the external factor mentioned above. With all this being said, do you think I should cool it, be her friend for now, or what? I mean is this something I should “wait out” especially since I have strong feelings for her? What do you think?
Confused but optimistic
Ugh, so you and 800 million other people are the reasons why I can’t live a day without being subject to an insidious amount of “Match.com” commercials. Sweet. Anyway, I’m glad that you’re not afraid of expressing your passion for over-analyzing – did you even stop to breathe while you were writing away the woes of your sordid love tale? Geez, take a few minutes and crack open a beer, and make sure that you’re sitting down before you read the next paragraph. And, don’t forget to take a few breaths, OK?
I have one word for you Mr. “inexperienced in relationships:” Rebound. Repeat it with me now, slow and gentle, Reeeeeboundddddd. Aren’t you glad that I told you to sit down Mr. Rebound? I’m sorry that I had to be the one to clue you in, but I really think that this girl had you pinned as her rebound guy. May I present, if you will, a detailed account of the “Post Breakup Timeline:” Girl breaks up with boyfriend, girl is lonely, feels like she’s lost her other half/wants revenge on boyfriend/wants a human coping mechanism etc., girl meets nice guy (a.k.a. you), girl doesn’t want to be lonely anymore, you become Mr. Rebound, and then *tada* as things start to progress, girl realizes how emotionally drained she is from boyfriend/how she’s read to move on and how much she doesn’t want to be in a real relationship with you, Mr. Rebound.
True, you might be very correct about the lousy timing, but I’m not so sure that you are really 100 percent correct that she too shares your strong feelings for your relationship because let’s face it, if she did adore you like you do her, you wouldn’t be writing to me. Instead, you’d probably be writing sweet nothings of emails and aim conversations. Sorry, couldn’t resist.
OK, so now that I’ve killed any hope you ever had in romantically reuniting with your old flame, don’t despair! You could try and be friends with her, though I would advise against that, you’d only be getting your hopes up on the false expectation of getting back together with her. But, hey look on the bright side! There are how many girls in this country, in this state, and on this very campus who have an internet connection? Yeah, exactly. Stop dwelling, move on, and find someone new.
Best of luck!
Fact O’ the Day…In order to ensure that the bride-to be was still a virgin (as chastity was mandatory for the unmarried woman), the Romans would lower her onto a phallic-shaped stone sculpture shaped like a fertility god before the wedding….fun.
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