Last week’s Top Fives were so popular among my six avid readers that I’ve decided, by popular demand, to continue doing them on a regular basis.
So here they are, submitted for your approval, because, without you, the reader, who would be there to tell me how funny I am? …other than the mirror.
Top five revelations resulting from the MLB steroid controversy
5. Never, has Rafael Palmeiro ever used steroids.
4. um…uh…(nervous laughter)
3. Cecil Fielder is the last great legitimate power hitter.
2. Bud Selig is a dirtbag. Wait, is that a revelation?
1. Nobody cares about baseball.
Top five reasons UM is building University Village
5. “Look, there’s some land. Let’s build on it!”
4. Students can’t sleep in Hecht lobby
3. Deep-rooted commitment to the class of 2017.
2. …make that class of 2026.
1. Coral Gables wouldn’t let us build a football stadium there
Top five real reasons the trees by the UC were removed
5. Elaborate plan by sororities to get sorority housing
4. Elaborate plan by sororities to get increased tanning time
3. Elaborate plan by fraternities to get sorority girl increased tanning time
2. Chartwells ran out of veggie burgers
1. Bingo! Football stadium.
Ben Minkus can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.