Dear V,
We have a good friend who has become excessively attached to her significant other. We know this is her first time being in a serious relationship and have tried to remain supportive of their new found love. However, we never see her without him. Ever. When we do see them, the PDA is out of control. It makes us all very uncomfortable to have to witness their cuddling in the dining halls and constant groping while having a conversation. She is a very sensitive person, so we don’t know how to address this issue without her taking offense. We want to remain friends with her and see her as the independent woman she used to be instead of the touchy-feely duo she now always is. Should we keep our gagging under control and learn to live with these obnoxious PDAs? If not, how do we address the situation without losing a friend permanently?
-Sick of Constant Fondling
Dear Reader,
If I had a penny for every time that I’ve been in your shoes, I would be a bonafide gazillionaire by now. First of all, the PDA has got to go. Not that I’m not all for free love and the right to express your love for another in public, but come on, Charthells is no place for making out! Gross! Boundaries must be set! Can they not wait until they make it outside? OF COURSE THEY CAN! If your disgusted face isn’t enough of a hint to cut it out, flat out tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable. If she has a problem with it, tough. It’s rude to belligerently canoodle with a significant other in front of any other person within a five foot radius. Ew, and during a conservation? Rude, rude, rude! Learn some manners, people! I know that the sensation of “love” is chemically a cocainesque high on the brain, but that is not an excuse to be oblivious to the world around. I am sorry, but the ability to be considerate to those around is a skill that most do not seem to possess. If anything, bluntly telling your rude lovey-dovey friend is really in her own best interest. Does she really want to be known as one half of “that couple” who are always playing tonsil hockey? No, definitely not. If her behavior continues, she will be friendless come November. And, Ganesh/Buddha/Jesus help her when she finds herself less entranced by her lover. As I’ve said before, it is not wise to deposit all support system-eggs in one basket, and driving friends away with disgraceful PDA offenses isn’t going to help your friend in that area of her life.
Anyway, now that we’ve addressed the fact that your passivity won’t be tolerated with regards to your icky problem with your friend, let’s move on to the rest of your question: namely, how the hell are you supposed to let your friend know that you’re not exactly cozy with her practically marital set up. OK, here are a few givens-a lot of people seem to lose their heads when they get caught up in these “super serious” relationships, especially when they’re caught up in the first of what will probably be a string of serious relationships. I, for one, am not a fan of anyone in their early 20s sacrificing themselves to the relationship gods because: a) the personalities of the college age are constantly in flux, and if one is devoting all of his or her energy to this relationship and other person, then how is it possible to expend energy on this constantly evolving personality? And, b) at this time in life, possibilities are endless and responsibilities minor, the marital union is the ideal setup for a life where the possibilities are a bit more strained (thus time to spend with MANY people is far more limited) and the responsibilities massive (bills, morgages, kids, yada yada yada), so, why oh why, the serious relationship now? I don’t know if the “loneliness” excuse quite cuts it either. Make some freakin’ friends already, or, geez, read a book. Anyway, your formerly independent friend (and it does happen to the strong minded…oy) is happily lost in her relationship, and I think an earthquake in her blissful universe might do her a world of good. Let your friend know that you feel as if you’re losing touch because of her relationship. Let her know that even if you don’t truthfully enjoy spending time with her and the mister that, well, you do, but that you also appreciate “girl time” just as much, if not more. And, lastly, let her know that you’re concerned about these disgusting PDAs. Yes, please, save us all, and don’t forget that very vital piece of advice. If she is offended by all that you have to say, temporarily suspend the friendship and find some more like-minded people to hang out with for the time being until she wisens up, or sorry, breaks up.
Best of Luck,
V.
Fact O’ the day… One in 10 children (at least!) is mistaken about their biological father’s identity….mom??
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