Care what’s going on in the world? Watch the news. Care what Ben Minkus thinks? Probably not, but thanks to these handy dandy top-five lists, you’ll get a behind-the-scenes look of how one UM student perceives reality. (Note: the following thoughts conveyed in the following lists do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Hurricane or its editors…or, awkward as it may sound, of Ben Minkus).
Top five reasons Bush nominated John Roberts for Chief Justice of the U.S.A.
5. Doesn’t know names of any actual existing justices
4. Fell asleep watching 700 Club marathon
3. Judge Judy wouldn’t return his calls
2. Hey, anything for the people of New Orleans
1. Dick Cheney told him to
Top five reasons UM lost to FSU 10-7
5. “Hurricanes” is now a more offensive nickname than “Seminoles”
4. Needed more playing time from Willie Williams
3. Needed more playing time from Buck Ortega
2. Collective misinterpretation of meaning of “special teams”
1. The law of averages kicked in
Top five reasons the MTV Video Music Awards show was a smashing success
5. The Grammys have gotten too “pop”
4. It’s all part of MTV’s stellar programming package
3. Carson Daly has been missing for eight months
2. Finally, somebody gave Green Day a little airplay
1. FP & L fixed their power first.
Ben Minkus can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.