That’s right, your hobby sucks. Because every day I walk this campus and my ears are flooded with inane babble from guys who say “yo, dude I’m going to get so ‘hammered’ tonight.” Hammered meaning drunk, although you can also use the words blitzed, lit, sloshed, buzzed, wasted, trashed, housed and bombed. The reason I say this is because a good bit of people do this as their hobby, sit around and drink till belligerent. Wow, such an honorable and respected hobby, you tools.
As for women’s hobby-oh those Ugg-boot wearing women who spend their days lounging and sun bathing, heading to the mall for the newest in ridiculously overpriced and ugly fashions (seriously, ruffled skirts?). Yet, if I criticize such things it’s only because I’m jealous of their beauty and fashion sense, right? Oh, and by the way, dogs need to stay at home; unless your live in the Amazon, you don’t need to be carrying your young in a purse. It’s ridiculous, keep your little Taco Bell dog at home, none of us care that you bought a dog just like all your sorority sisters.
What amazes me the most is that such behavior and interests are considered to be their hobbies; drinking, tanning, going shopping, etc. Now, my gripe is that when such people see someone with a hobby that requires more than a brain stem to accomplish, they flip out and assume it’s the weirdest thing in the world. “You collect stamps? What on Earth are those?”
You see, a few friends and I have been practicing Kendo (Japanese fencing) near the UC Patio area, or on the shore of Lake Osceola. Each time, we get heckled by passerby: “Wow that is so weird,” “What a bunch of geeks,” “Don’t hurt yourself now,” “They need to get a life.” So let me get something straight: Just because I practice an art form that teaches discipline, honor and promotes physical and mental well-being, I am weird, a geek and need to get a life? Now you may say, “Oh if you don’t want people heckling, why do you practice in public areas?” With that reasoning I have the right to heckle you for your ridiculous hobbies, since it is in public and all.
Next time I see you in the Breezeway with your little dog I am going to call you an animal abuser, an insensitive shell of a human with no feelings for sentient beings. I will also heckle the drunkards and call them wife-beaters.
My main point is, respect other people’s hobbies. Don’t make stupid comments for the sake of opening your yap. I don’t outwardly ridicule your hobby to your face and laugh. Respect those around you and in turn you will be respected.
Jovanni Bello can be contacted at j.bello@umiami.edu.